14 People Got Real About Their Decisions To End Their Engagements, And It's A Clear Sign That Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

    "The thought of walking down the aisle scared me."

    We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us why they decided to end their engagement, and the reasons are heartbreaking, but also a true testament to knowing your worth.

    A pint of ice cream next to a couple's torn photo.

    🚨Some responses discuss domestic violence🚨

    1. The Almost Cheater:

    "He ATTEMPTED to cheat on me. The woman he tried to cheat with, who he pursued for months, turned him down flat. He then claimed that 'nothing happened.' So why was I mad? Um, because the only reason nothing happened was because she said no!"


    2. The Abusive Asshole:

    "He punched me in the face."


    3. The Fertile Fiancé:

    "In 2010, I found out I was pregnant, and then I miscarried. While at the doctor, with his kid from the woman he cheated on me with — we split for a short time and got back together, but during the split, he had a kid with her — him and the woman were having sex in my bed in my apartment."


    4. The Delusional Dad-to-Be:

    "There were a lot of reasons I should have called it off, but the last straw was when he told me (someone who has always been VERY clear from the beginning that I do not want to bear my own children and plan to adopt) that I was going to need to get pregnant because he, after six years together, had decided that he wouldn’t be able to love an adopted child. I should have seen it coming when he always would correct me when I talk about my sibling, like I would say 'my sister,' and he would jump in and say, 'You mean your step-sister?' In the past, he told me he was fine with adopting until that day. Then he switched and said he needed to share DNA to love our child. That's when I knew we had no future together."


    5. The Consistent Cheater:

    "He cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend."


    6. The Decisive Duo:

    "Being engaged implies you have the intention to be married at some point, and referring to each other as 'my fiancé' meant everyone asked about our future wedding plans. After 15 years, we decided we didn’t actually want to get married, so we are together but no longer engaged and just refer to each other as 'my partner.'"


    7. The Canadian Con:

    "I found out the only reason he proposed was because he thought he would get permanent residency in Canada. He was here illegally from the States. After five years together, I realized everything he told me about his past was a lie."


    8. The Better-Off Buddies:

    "I was engaged to a lovely woman when I was 20/21. Gay marriage wasn’t legal back in the mid-to-late 1990s, but we were committed to each other and planned to have our commitment ceremony/wedding. I had an extremely modest acting career in NYC, while she was a producer destined to do great things. My talent maxed out on Off-Off-Broadway. She got an offer for a dream job in California. If I moved with her, I would’ve been financially dependent on her and would’ve had to try and create a career from scratch. I knew I could never compete with the talent there, and I wasn’t sure what I could do as a career. If things went sour, I’d have been stranded on the west coast without a support system. It took a lot of tears and a lot of talking, but we both knew for us to follow our dreams, we’d have to let the other go. So we did. It was bittersweet, and we honestly wished each other the best.

    "She has gone on to do incredible things. Made her mark, followed her dreams. She met another woman, and they are absolutely perfect for her! They’re married, they adopted a couple of kids, and she’s living her dream life. I’m so, so happy for them, especially for her. She’s truly a wonderful person and deserves all the good things, ever.

    "Meanwhile, I met an amazing man, and we’ll celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary this year, marking half my life spent with this man. We’ve been through the ringer financially and emotionally, with regards to my health, but he’s never faltered, never wavered, and has always loved me. He stayed when other men would have bailed. I was paralyzed after an illness, and we both learned how to take care of me together."


    9. The Double Decision:

    "I’ve called off two engagements. The first was with my high school sweetheart/first real relationship. We’d been dating about seven years when we got engaged. Our relationship was mostly long distance because he was two-and-a-half years older than me, and in college while I was in high school. About eight months before the wedding, I realized I couldn’t wake up next to him every day for the rest of my life. I called it off.

    The second time was with a man I’d been with for about four years. He had/has serious PTSD from childhood traumas and the Army infantry. We got in an argument, and he punched me in the face. I left the next day and called it off."


    10. The Sympathetic Split:

    "We had a pretty sizable age gap, and we both had (at the time) undiagnosed/untreated mental health issues. After three years of dating, living together, and eventually getting engaged, we realized we were in totally different places in our lives, and that it just wouldn’t work out. But on the upside, more than a decade after the breakup, we’re still friends, and we both know the other will always be our ride or die. We may not be best friends anymore, but we both know we can trust the other with anything, can call at any time day or night, and we’ll be there for each other."


    11. The Truck Traitor:

    "He ghosted me for, like, a week, then some random girl posted on his wall, 'I love the way the roof of your truck feels in between my fingers.' Needless to say, it ended there." 


    12. The Craigslist Crusader:

    "I found out from the computer search history that he had been visiting Craigslist's Casual Encounters. I went into extreme investigative mode and found a second email address under an alias name. He also had an app on his phone that would let him use a different phone number. So, I followed his lead and made myself a fake name, email, and phone number. Then I created a suggestive post on Craigslist and waited for him to take the bait. It took less than a day before our alter egos were making plans to have anonymous sex. I kicked him out of my house that same day, and I'm pretty sure he's been living with his parents ever since (six years)." 


    13. Another Abusive Asshole:

    "I broke off my engagement after eight months because my partner was abusive. It took me several years to realize that his struggles with addiction did not excuse his violence. I had loved him since we were 14, but I had to learn to love myself more. The pivotal moment came about four months after we got engaged. He got black-out drunk, then attacked me. A neighbor had to intervene, pull me to safety, and call the police. He still wouldn’t get serious help. 

    "Nearly six years later, I started working at a domestic violence agency, and on my first day on the job, I found out that his new fiancée was interning there in the Battering Intervention and Prevention department, which shared an office with my department. Needless to say, it was extremely stressful. She really went out of her way to make me uncomfortable, which I will never understand. I’m now happily married, and we are expecting our first child. 

    "Dear fellow survivors, there’s always hope. 💜 It was never your fault, and you deserve happiness!" 


    14. And, The Intuitive Insider:

    "I was engaged to the same guy twice. I called it off the first time because the thought of walking down the aisle scared me more than starting over. I knew he didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated, and I thought a year apart would change him, but it didn’t. Shortly after re-booting the wedding, we called it off again...for good. I am now married to the most perfect man on the planet — well, perfect for me, that is!" 


    Have you or someone you know ended an engagement? Tell us about it in the comments below.

    If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.