Last week, Tess (@that1mum) asked Twitter, "What’s the funniest excuse for cheating someone has given you?" And to make people feel comfortable sharing their stories, she gave them a personal example.
What’s the funniest excuse for cheating someone has given you? I’ll go. My ex told me he cheated on me because I had a driving phobia.
Well, the tweet generated nearly 5K responses, so we decided to share some of the dumbest and wildest excuses with you:
1. The Sandwich Shade
@that1mum The other girl bought him a Jimmy Johns sandwich so he had to pay her back somehow 🤷🏼♀️
2. The Phone Check
@that1mum He said “I did it because you don’t go through my phone. I need that to keep me in check” because I never went on or through his phone 🤦🏼♀️
3. The Easy Lover
@that1mum "you are too easy to love" and it scared him...I still don't understand lol.
4. The Home Invader
@that1mum I was very sick in bed in the other room, he invited a touring band over to stay the night, he came to check on me twice, told me this girl had a bf and to chill out, then I walked in on them in my own house. she didn't have a bf and clearly it didn't matter anyway.
5. The Medicine Mixup
@that1mum a different ex CAUGHT HERPES and HIS MOM asked if he was taking his medicine in front of me (she’s a real one for that) and i asked what medicine he told me he had tuberculosis
6. The Mommy Mishap
@that1mum My ex came to pick me up one day and he had a hickey on his neck and I was like ??? And he told me his mom kissed him on the neck and bit him and left that. Then when I got there his mom was all like “DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID HAHAHA” and I was just like 🙃 I can’t leave...
7. The Pathetic Poet
@that1mum he cheated because he thought i needed the trauma for my character development... this is not a joke he was a poet/writer
8. The Anxious Accuser
@that1mum "I cheated on you because you accused me of it"
9. The Picture Problem
@that1mum he said my head was "too small" in comparison to his and he was worried that he'd always have to stand behind me in pictures???
10. The Name Game
@that1mum One of the many times my ex cheated on me, he told me "she has the same name as you, I thought it would be a funny story to tell you later on" it was indeed NOT a funny story.
11. The Hack Job
@that1mum He superliked my bff on tinder (didn’t know she was my friend) and messaged her. Then when I confronted him he said someone hacked him. It was updated to his current location & bio was current. I said how did that happen? Response - “I don’t know how these hackers work Marissa!”
12. The Forgetful Fool
@that1mum he said he forgot we were dating
13. The Lawn Mower
@that1mum He wanted to “see if the grass really was greener”
14. The Boob Bandit
@that1mum I had a boyfriend cheat on me because he said he had never had the opportunity to touch big boobs. 😂
15. The Pregnancy Pest
@that1mum I was pregnant at the time and he told me I had too much anxiety and it gave him anxiety so when the girl kept flirting with him he caved in because he was taking his mind off all the stress
16. The Deprived Dud
@that1mum my ex told me he was sex deprived and scientifically that justified him sleeping around
17. The Weather Wart
@that1mum My ex told me he had to because it was cold out and I was 45 minutes away
18. The Hair-raiser
19. The Accidental Asshole
@that1mum “On accident” “without noticing”
20. The Movie Mind Games
@that1mum She “forced him to take her number” and he “only went to the movies with her to tell her he had a gf”
21. The Destined Deception
@that1mum I had an ex literally tell me God was telling him to cheat and that it was his destiny to do it. 😂
22. The Consistent Cheater
@that1mum Because I came home in a bad mood Because I was a state away Because he was drunk But my personal favorite was “I didn’t want to wake you up” 😐
23. The Family Ties
24. The Drug Delusion
@that1mum One told me it was because he was high & didn’t know he was doing it (he knew I didn’t know what it was like to be high) Another’s excuse was that he didnt think we were together (we had been dating for 3 years at that point)
25. The Boot Bombshell
@that1mum he cheated on me bc i started wearing combat boots and he was afraid i was turning “goth”
26. The Pinhead
@that1mum Because I didn’t want to go bowling. Yes, bowling. 🎳.
27. The Head Games
@that1mum she was known around town for giving good head and he had to test it out himself to see if it was better than mine. when I was upset and crying and broke things off he muttered “well it was.... so” and left my moms. lmaooooo
28. The Haircut Hound
@that1mum he cheated because i cut my hair off and he didn’t like how we looked together
29. The Long-distance Loser
@that1mum he had moved and we were temporarily doing long distance, he said the only way he could make friends was to act single because where he was was such a “hookup culture” and I didn’t want him to be a loser with no friends did I????