10 Reasons Why The New York Times' Vows Column Is The Best Thing On The Internet

Because love conquers all. Except your vomit reflex.

1. It makes bleeding feet sexy.

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My boyfriend also loves it when my blisters burst and my foot blood gets all over the snow.

2. When you're in love, even Snooki has romantic significance.

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Yes Jackie, that is also the reason I watch Jersey Shore too. So I can discuss the philosophical implications of T-Shirt Time with my future husband.

3. The greatest meaning lies in the smallest details.

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","

"....what?"

"Oh.. nothing."

"Did your thumb slip?"

"Err.. no. It's just like.. you know, a symbolic thing."

"Yeah. A comma. It's a symbol."

"No.. Like, for us. You know, like a pause?"

"A what?"

"Sorry... yeah. It's stupid. I meant it like.. we're just on a pause. In my mind."

"...Right. And you couldn't have just texted that instead?"

"Yeah. Yeah I know.. I guess.. it sounded a lot better in my head."

"Okay. Well. Bye then."

","

"STOP THAT."

4. Having an aura and a bandana is key for instant attraction.

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Artists retreat, bandana, steel spikes, flame, dedication, concentrated lip bite, aura, utter involvement in artistic task at hand... check. COME AT ME MALE ARTISTS ON THIS RETREAT I PAID $2500 FOR.

5. Express your love with a mildly confusing contemporary poem.

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I started to write a parody of this, when I realised I couldn't even begin to top the original.

So i'll finish up.

Frustrated.

Cold and

exposed

At my lack of ability to trump this lobster poem with sarcasm.

6. When in doubt... GTL.

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It's becoming clear that at the heart of every affluent New York society wedding is a secret and vaguely sexual commitment to the J-Shore.

7. Craigs List might be a good idea after all.

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Alex was "just cruising through" Craigs List. Read: Alex was looking for pictures of women's big toes and considering fellating an entire rugby team (but only in one particular neighbourhood between the hours of 5pm-7pm on Wednesdays and Sundays) when he saw Jessica's advert and decided to give all that up and commit to a monogamous relationship with a demanding girl he found on the internet.

8. Grammar is king.

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The age-old noun/verb debate. Swoon!

9. Get out of your comfort zone.

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Hang on... she agreed to look after his finicky cat, even though she DIDN'T HAVE ANY CAT-SITTING EXPERIENCE? Who are these amateurs and why are they allowed to find love before us?

10. A future together is always bright.

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That's nice. And by contrast, we tell no-one and nothing that our lives will be full of cats, Craigs List, a subsription to the Dominos Pizza newsletter, OkCupid, and feverishly looking at pictures of Miley Cyrus. But that's FINE. Juust fine.

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