27 Struggles You'll Only Know If You've Lived Through A British Winter
Don't worry – spring is just around the corner, a corner several million miles away.
You have to really fight your natural instinct to stay in your warm, cosy bed.
Because the darkness of the morning matches the darkness in your heart.
But you get up because you crave those brief, few hours of daylight.
The most active part of your day is running from your bed to the shower to keep warm.
You're on a "hot foods only" diet.
You can't leave the house unless you're wearing at least one layer of thermal clothing.
And your expanding waistline thanks you for wearing many layers of stretchy clothes.
Your eyes become "eye-sicles" when the force of the bracing wind freezes your tears.
Your pockets are filled with tissues because a constantly runny nose is not an attractive look.
Pretending you smoke when seeing your breath appear in the chilly air has lost its appeal.
You have to factor in time spent de-icing your car for your morning routine.
You ponder your fragile mortality as you slip over on ice. Again.
"No," you think to kind strangers, who rush over to help you up. "Please let me just lay here in shame and in pain, and mull over exactly where I went wrong."
Despite promises from the Met Office, there's rarely that much snow.
You're envious of animals that can hibernate until spring.
You're reluctant to accept that bus and train cancellations are a necessary evil because of the snow and ice.
You have to try and shift away from a fellow commuter if they have a runny nose, but without seeming rude.
But you move to a different train carriage entirely if someone sneezes.
You think Christmas adverts are the worst.
And that they are a product of sentimental capitalism.
Driving with fogged-up windows in the dark on an icy road at a snail's pace would be the worst simulator game.
You panic slightly when you hit the breaks in your car, drifting on the icy road and gliding ever closer to the bumper of the car in front of you.
Your plans for the time between Christmas and New Year's involve stockpiling food, not leaving the house, and bolting the door shut.
You pour one out for the hour lost due to Daylight Savings Time.
And the phrase "Winter is coming" makes you want to punch someone.
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