In case you missed it, Taylor Swift has applied to trademark a number of phrases from her lyrics, including "Party like it's 1989," "'Cause we never go out of style," and most notably "This sick beat," for use on everything from tees to beach umbrellas.
Successful trademarking of her lyrics and song titles can keep t-shirts with "We never go out of style!" in glued-on felt letters off store shelves. Word to Etsy: Cease and desist or face Taylor's wrath.
But in our opinion, Taylor Swift hasn't gone far enough. Why stop there when you have a million other t-shirt friendly phrases just lying about, unprotected by intellectual property laws? Listen to us, Taylor. We're here to help.
1. "I'm on the bleachers."
Just think: This would make a great tagline for a sportswear brand made for people who don't actually play sports.
2. "Teardrops on my guitar. 😢"
If Taylor even remembers this song title, she should try to market it as a brand of semi-waterproof acoustic guitars.
3. "A nightmare dressed like a daydream."
A working title for her eventual tell-all novel, where her idea of embodying a nightmare includes tipping under 50% and forgetting to recycle.
4. "Why you gotta be so mean?"
Magic! really cut it close with "Rude," but pretty soon they may have to rework their biggest hit. Sorry, guys.
5. "Baby, just say 'yes.'"
Taylor Swift trademarks: making wedding proposal stories difficult since 2015.
6. "We are never ever ever getting back together."
For when no. 5 goes wrong. Perfect for the first in her not-so-nice greeting card line, Swift Delivery™.
7. "Starbucks lovers."
A Taylor-run support group for the caffeine-addicted. Half of the name is already trademarked, but it's Taylor Swift — she can do anything.
8. "Dear John."
For all the Johns out there considering website advice columns, try a nondescript, non-trademarked name like "Bill" or "Methuselah" instead.
9. "OHHHH, OHHHH" (sung to the tune of "I Knew You Were Trouble")
As long as trademarking this doesn't keep us from shrieking it in the shower, it's all good.
10. "Welcome to New York."
Time to take down all those cute road signs welcoming people to the Empire State.
11. "Nashville."
The Tennessee city makes the perfect addition to Taylor's list of geographical trademarks. Next up: an Americana album all about the nation's cities and subsequent trademark claims.
12. The actual sound of a slamming screen door.
Just close your doors gently, folks.
13. "Mine."
English language be damned: Taylor needs this.
14. "Red."
Red wasn't officially a color until Taylor named an album and a single after it, so we fail to see why she shouldn't trademark it. See above, where she won two awards for her hand in creating the color.
15. The numbers "15" and "22."
This could ruin mathematics, finance, and birthdays around the world, but these digits are obviously Taylor's property.
16. "2 A.M."
The only people who need this time are insomniacs and drunk college freshmen, and chances are neither demographic will notice the trademark.
17. "Tim McGraw."
It's not like he needs his name anyway.