2. Begin that new full-time job of endlessly hitting refresh on your ex-lover’s Facebook page.
And do it with far more dedication than your actual job, which you’re no longer turning up to.
Variations include: Stalk everyone who posts on your ex-lover’s feeds, deeply regret your hasty deletion of ex-lover from your social networks, then use Google or a mutual friend’s laptop to stalk them and interpret any time they “like” something on your feed as a sign they want to get back together.
3. Replay on infinite loop the songs you and your lover used to listen to together.
Boombox and Peter Gabriel come optional.
10. Invent a unique and highly personal new system of time.
19. Write poems, make drawings and sing songs about your ex, in volumes that verge on “creepy.”
Unless you’re this guy, or Taylor Swift, or just about every successful pop act of the last century for that matter.
Because maybe none of the things on this list are all that bad if they help you process the pain and reach rock bottom. At which point you’ll stop caring that the whisky bottle is empty and that you haven’t showered for three days. In fact, you won’t give a damn about anything anymore.
It is there, floating in the gravity-free apathy zone, you will make the quiet discovery that your heart isn’t hurting quite so much anymore.
Welcome to Day 1.