mommyhasaheadache

mommyhasaheadache

Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?

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  • A teddy bear taking a selfie
  • A wooden post sticking out of the grass
  • A rainbow unicorn with an arrow pointing upward for a horn
  • A little cowboy with a big 'number one' hat crying for joy
  • Moses wearing sunglasses holding a list article carved into a tablet
  • Clipboard with a piece of paper on it that says 'do it to em', 'get stuff done', and 'be a legend'
  • The number one hundred thousand under a small green monster
  • The number two hundred and fifty thousand under an alien
  • The number five hundred thousand amongst a forest of eyeballs
  • The number one million on the earth, being watched by a planet sized eyeball
  • A person with their palms facing forward, wearing an uncooked turkey on their head
  • Butterflies flying around a pair of lips
  • A body builder cat flexing with 2022 written across its pecs
  • Snow White smiling serenely while looking at a bird that is perched on her hand
  • The golden snitch flying through the air
  • A green slime splatter
  • K-pop 'finger heart'
  • Funky disco dancer
  • A cat looking startled to see a human dressed as a cat eating from its bowl, labelled "Karen"
  • Two slimy tentacles touching and forming a heart shape
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  • 15 Mindblowingly Original Handmade Mother's Day Gifts

    Your mom's a one off. So why should she have to put up with cookie cutter gifts on mother's day? I've spent hours trawling Etsy so you don't have to and come up with the most jawdropping handmade gifts on the planet. When you give any of these to your mom she's be singing her heart our like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music!

  • Is Modern Sex a Bed of Poses?

    G-spot orgasms, squirting, anal orgasms - there's always a new sexual trend to keep up with isn't there? Do you feel pressure to keep up with the latest trends in orgasms and sexual fashions? Or are you more old school about things and feel like even though you've been doing the same thing in bed for donkey's year, sod it, if it ain't broke why fix it?

  • From Nutella To the Nuthouse

    Mommy blogging seems like a harmless hobby but sometimes moms go mad in an attempt to get attention - like pretending to be pregnant or outing your son as gay!

  • Mummybloggergate

    After an Ohio mommy blogger claimed 'sexual assault' just after being airport searched many mommy bloggers are discovering they've been violated by people like their dentists [SATIRE!]

  • Twitter Joke Trial

    How many times, infuriated with someone have you said the phrase " If so and so doesn't such and such, I'm gonna kill them!" Imagine if suddenly the police came to your door and arrested you for intent to commit a crime. It would be ridiculous. Imagine you said it on Twitter and your tweet was used as evidence that you are on record as intending to commit that crime. You'd think someone was playing a joke on you. "Ok OK - I get it - you're a stripogram, aren't you? Who booked you- was it Stevo?" you'd say." Right do your worst, get the skooshy cream out, so called 'officer' " as you unbuttoned his shirt and exposed their chest.

  • A Bad Marriage Is Like A Dodgy Motor

    My friend Alana told me the other day that I was unusual in being married ten years and still getting along with my husband. She claimed most people can't really stand each other after that period of time. And I think that feeling is fairly common and echoed by Slummy Single Mummy who said she was cynical about everlasting love. In any case I was strutting around like a peacock for a bit thinking what a success I was for being married for ten years. In fact so many people have said to me 'Emma, what's the secret to a happy marriage?' that I felt it was time to put fingers to keyboard and dish. [Actually it was really just Alana who is unmarried but still, I'm sure you're all dying to hear my pearls of wisdom].

  • Recipe For Mr Right

    When it comes to love affairs so many people are utter fools. Innumerable delusionals subscribe to some idea that it was an utter fluke that they met their wife/husband. That it was a one in a million chance and they were so lucky to find them. Take Michael Douglas, who is always banging on about what a marvellous chance meeting it was to sit next to Catherine Zeta-Jones at some Hollywood dinner. Once he was thigh to thigh with the world's most famous Welshwoman the lovestruck old git immediately started babbling like a loon about wanting her to have his babies. Later when she deigned to go out with him he was deluded enough to state 'luckily for me she likes older men.' Of course she does Michael. So maybe she'd never been out with one before and maybe if you'd have been a rag and bone man she wouldn't have given you the time of day but dream on pal...delusion is the fuel to love.

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