Judging Banned Books By Their Covers

This week is banned books week, a time to celebrate the titles libraries and schools have pulled from the shelves. Here are some theories on why these novels got blacklisted based on their covers alone.

1. “A Clockwork Orange” By Anthony Burgess

Promotes the use of outside voices inside, also arson.

2. “And Tango Makes Three” By Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell

Gives readers unreasonable expectations regarding the cuteness of penguins.

3. The “Harry Potter” Series By J.K. Rowling

Promotes cruelty to animals, also swords.

4. “Charlotte’s Web” By E. B. White

Encourages readers to hug pigs, can lead to the spread of swine flu.

5. “Forever” By Judy Blume

Can lead to foot fetishes.

6. “L8r, G8r” By Lauren Myracle

Encourages misspellings, can lead to illiteracy.

7. The “Goosebumps” Series By R.L. Stin

Discourages readers from pursing an education.

8. “Cujo” By Stephen King

Discourages drivers from using side-view mirrors.

9. “The Face on the Milk Carton” By Caroline B. Cooney

Can lead to drastically reduced milk consumption, calcium deficiencies.

10. The “Alice” Series By Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Lesbians.

For the real reasons these books were banned, check out the the American Library Association’s banned books lists.

ala.org

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