1. I know what you’re thinking. How can we possibly improve on this?
Clean, simple, delicious. The perfect breakfast food.
Except, of course, that you have to basically distend your jaw to eat it, or risk pushing like half the tuna and a good 30% of the tomato out of the back, totally screwing with your proportions. What’s with that, bagel?
But don’t worry! There is a solution!
2. THE BAGEL TRENCH.
Dig out anywhere from half an inch to an inch from the center of your bagel (depending on how big it is). Do this for both halves of the bagel for maximum deliciousness.
You are now free to fill the trench with whatever toppings you might desire, such as, say, brie cheese, mascarpone, and blueberry jam to make the best grilled cheese bagel ever.
4. But wait, you’re thinking. The fluffy bagel innards are the best part.
Slow your roll, dynamo. I’ve got you covered. Take the scooped-out insides, rip ‘em up into bite-size pieces, and throw them in a bowl to use later as the perfect snack at that cool, hip party you’re hosting. Add some hummus or warm spinach-artichoke dip and you’ve doubled the lifespan of your bagel! You’re a goddamn bagel hero.
6. Did I mention that it’s also healthier?
Something about carbs, IDK. This really only applies if you don’t eat the scooped-out insides (or share them). So if you’ve been denying yourself bagels because they’re like a million calories, guess what! You can eat them again! Now they’re only half a million. And if you throw a vegetable or some lettuce on that thing, it’s practically a salad.
- Around 100 people drowned this past weekend after two migrant vessels went down in the Mediterranean sea.
- People trolled the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency for tweeting elements of the historic Osama bin Laden raid in Pakistan five years ago.
- And elephants performed for the last time at Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey after years of protest from animal advocates 🐘