Women Are Sharing The Annoying Parts Of Having Sex, And It’s Oh So Relatable

    "It's not even just physical energy either — it's a whole thing. Running a 5K feels less exhausting some days."

    Molly Capobianco
    by Molly Capobianco

    BuzzFeed Staff

    Over on the Ask Women subreddit, people ask women some pretty hard-hitting questions.

    Recently, redditor u/felineconfidant wanted to know what women don't like about sex.

    CBC / Via giphy.com

    The women in the comments had A LOT to say. Here are the best — and most relatable — responses:

    1. "My curly hair really struggles with sex if I’m on the bottom. And I'm one of those people who plans my hair wash days in advance, because I can’t brush it out unless it’s in the shower. Sex will almost always ruin good hair days for me."

    a person combing their curly hair
    Predrag Popovski / Getty Images

    —u/ScienceSpice

    2. "Having to get out of the warm cozy bed to go and pee when I’d much rather stay and snuggle."

    —u/Relative_Dimensions

    "I’m not sure I can handle another UTI. But in the moment, it always seems worth it."

    —u/NoWear7966

    3. "My boyfriend sweats sooo much, which I don’t mind during the sex. It’s after sex, when I’m all wet and have to hop into the shower and pee and reapply my lotion — it’s a whole thing."

    a guy sitting up in a bed and wiping sweat off his forehead
    Vicheslav / Getty Images/iStockphoto

    —u/Aromatic_Guest129

    4. "Having to hold in my farts."

    —u/Nurvanna


    5. "The anxiety of whether or not I'm good."

    a woman looking distressed and sitting up in bed as a man sleeps next to her
    Jgi / Getty Images/Tetra images RF

    —u/felineconfidant

    "People talk about what men need to do to be good lovers. I've rarely heard any advice for women."

    —u/Separate-Tension-353


    6. "Cleaning up."

    —u/Yuzuxe


    7. "The getting-myself-into-the-mood-part early on. It’s like my husband starts on ground level, and I’m standing in a 5-feet deep hole right next to him. He can just start going forward, but I have to first hoist myself up and out. Between the baby, the house, the pets, a full-time job, exercise goals, and endless mental labor, I often just feel like lying down in the hole instead."

    a woman sitting on the edge of a bed looking distressed as her partner rubs her back
    Monkeybusinessimages / Getty Images/iStockphoto

    "It probably sounds like my husband doesn’t do enough to clear my plate — that’s not true, really. It’s just hard. Before the baby, hoisting myself up and out was easy. Now I’m just so tired."

    —u/Head_Lifeguard3999

    "Some days, so much is going on that getting out of my head is near impossible. I WANT the sex, but getting into it can be hard."

    —u/ironically-spiders


    8. "Every so often when they hit an angle that hurts."

    —u/fame4lies

    "When they hit the bad angles too many times, and it kills the mood for both of you."

    —u/throwxawayxxx1993


    9. "The energy it takes. I’m a sleepy girl."

    a woman covering her face with her arms and lying in bed
    Luis Alvarez / Getty Images

    —u/Principle-Slight

    "It's not even just physical energy either — it's a whole thing. Running a 5K feels less exhausting some days."

    —u/Electronic-Emu-773

    10. "The mental load. I love my family, but taking on 85% of the responsibility has turned me into such an anxious person with very little capacity for fun or spontaneity. My partner is loving, caring, amazing in bed, hilarious, and just great company. But he’s incredibly irresponsible and avoidant. I’m so burned out from being the 'bad cop' parent, the schedule coordinator, the maid, the life coach, etc."

    a woman lying awake in bed next to her sleeping partner
    Laylabird / Getty Images

    —u/BuildingMyEmpireMN


    11. "The pressure to have an orgasm. I’m very lucky that my current partner is concerned about my pleasure. However, between birth control and mental health meds, an orgasm is VERY hard for me to achieve, even on my own. Knowing that’s an end goal for him puts added pressure on me to have one, which, I think, hinders me further from having one."

    a woman sitting up in bed and looking distressed as a guy looks out a window
    Vincent Besnault / Getty Images

    —u/TurbulentPriority3


    12. "When he puts too much of his weight on me."

    —u/Bebe_Bleau

    13. "The fear of pregnancy. I'm on the depo shot AND always use condoms, but I've never quite been able to get over that paranoia."

    a woman looking worriedly at a pregnancy test
    Adene Sanchez / Getty Images

    —u/Straight_Mongoose_51

    14. "The anxiety about my size, or I guess more accurately, my stomach. I’m a fat woman, and despite my partner not being stick thin, and the fact he has a preference for bigger women, it's so engrained in me to despise my stomach that I just get in my head almost every time we have sex."

    —u/0hbie

    "I really struggle to have sex without some kind of cover-up/top on. I get so in my head about it. I don’t like my stomach to be seen, let alone touched, and the worry about it jiggling around during makes me feel awful and unattractive. I know that’s not how he sees me, but it’s really difficult to get rid of those thoughts about myself."

    —u/CurvyVioletMermaid


    15. "I'm a lesbian, and I dislike that some women only care about getting pleasure. Not giving."

    a woman lying in bed and facing the opposite direction of her partner, who has her arm on her shoulder
    South_agency / Getty Images

    —u/eivor333

    16. "Silence or starers."

    —u/DiamondBlackSwan70

    "Silence is downright unnerving. The only man I was with who did this was emotionally repressed and struggled to express his emotions. That's alarm bells right there for you."

    —u/Persia102

    "Silence makes me feel like I can't make the noises I want to make, and then I start over-thinking, and then it's just a whole mess. Then the mood is gone."

    —u/karamel_kupcake

    17. "Period sex. There needs to be a towel laid down, and putting it on the bed beforehand feels too much like a weird ritual, and it's a lot less spontaneous."

    rolled-up towel and sheets on a bed
    Maria F. Gonzalez / Getty Images/EyeEm

    —u/ChilliOil67

    "Not a fan of period sex — though I wish I was, because my libido always decides that that's a great time to make an appearance. Preparation for the mess is too much, but for me, it's also the smell. I have a super-sensitive nose and cannot handle the smell of everything during period time."

    —u/to_neverwhere

    18. "I hate that 'sex' is defined as 'p' in the 'v' when that’s really only a small part of what it can be."

    —u/jawbone7896

    19. "Being on mental health medication and birth control, I can either have a good sex life, but be deeply depressed and have migraines, OR a normal mental state, but basically have a marathon to reach orgasm."

    a woman covering her face with a pillow
    Photographer, Basak Gurbuz Derma / Getty Images

    —u/Wrangling-Wasabi


    20. And finally, "So much effort. Prep, clean-up, birth control, laundry, the actual physical effort involved. I'm so damn tired."

    a person putting sheets in a washing machine
    Anne Boonkerdthinthai / Getty Images/iStockphoto

    —u/Ok_Zookeepergame2900

    Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

    What annoys you about sex? Sound off in the comments!