Meet The Cast From Your Childhood Boardgame, "Guess Who?"

Who really were the people we invited into our homes as kids? The unofficial backgrounds for our "Guess Who?" squad (each currently collecting dust in a basement near you).

Bernard

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Occupation: Monk.

Character traits: Funniest guy in the game; takes an extra swig (or two) of wine during Communion.

Fun Fact: Former Soviet arms dealer.

Robert

Occupation: Ex-Congressman

Characteristic traits: Beaten down by the system.

Fun Fact: Stepped down after being embarrassed when someone he knew saw him coming out of an adult bookstore. Hence the permanent red cheeks.

Anne

Occupation: Walmart cashier.

Character traits: Has a Hispanic accent.

Fun Fact: Not Hispanic.

Alex

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Occupation: Pastry chef at Bono's Pizzeria.

Character traits: Being friendzoned for so long has caused him to go on a rebellious streak (he is clearly in the initial stages of sporting a Mohawk).

Fun Fact: He can fit the entire width of his hand between his eyebrows.

Bill

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Occupation: Trumpeter.

Character traits: The shape of his head doesn't allow him to fit into cars and is therefore obligated to lease convertibles, effectively slowly zapping him of his equity.

Fun Fact: Can hold 4 entire apples in those blustery windbag cheeks of his.

Charles

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Occupation: Cellphone salesman.

Characteristic traits: Keeps asking "Can you hear me now?"

Fun Fact: Grew his mustache to rely on his sex appeal after being banned from showing off his mid riff to boost sales.

Claire

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Occupation: Forced into retirement after 47 years at the United States Postal Service.

Character traits: Nosy.

Fun Fact: She's got thousands of "missing" packages in her basement, dating back to the 60's.

Anita

Occupation: Owns a small start-up putting on birthday parties for girls.

Character traits: Bouts of crippling depression.

Fun Fact: Always blushing and flirty, the moms at these parties never recommend her to their friends.

David

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Occupation: Tollbooth attendant.

Character traits: Can calculate in his head the exact change that needs to be given back.

Fun Fact: Looks almost the same right-side-up as he does upside-down. Really.

Sam

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Occupation: Coasting off some real estate investments involving time shares.

Character traits: Patient.

Fun Fact: Spends most of his leisure time these days taking up bird watching.

Eric

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Occupation: Union solider in Civil War re-enactments.

Character traits: Highly proficient in late 19th century military strategy.

Fun Fact: Couldn't pass the fitness test to become a cop.

Alfred

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Occupation: "Odd Jobs."

Character traits: Too poor for Obamacare.

Fun Fact: Not allowed to live within 500 yards of an elementary school.

Frans

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Occupation: YMCA kids basketball league coordinator.

Character traits: Smug.

Fun Fact: Player in more ways than one.

Philip

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Occupation: Zoologist

Characteristic traits: Can sooth any beast.

Fun Fact: Has resembled a primate ever since he had his beard hair transplanted to his head.

George

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Occupation: Unemployed.

Character traits: Pessimism.

Fun Fact: Nothing marketable in our post-recession economy.

Susan

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Occupation: Telemarketer.

Character traits: One look at her would tell you she's addicted to plastic surgery. She also was the former bass player of a rock band before they hit it big. She hasn't been the same since.

Fun Fact: SHE is really a HE.

Herman

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Occupation: Accountant.

Characteristic Traits: Amateur boxer (has broken his nose 3 or 4 times).

Fun Fact: Rumored to be the lovechild of Curly and Larry from the Three Stooges.

Richard

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Occupation: Puppeteer.

Characteristic traits: Helps fight childhood obesity by creating shows targeted towards healthy snacks and 30 minutes of exercise everyday.

Fun Fact: Has a PhD in biochemistry, but works as a puppeteer because he just loves serving the community with a smile.

Joe

Occupation: Software engineer.

Character traits: Considered "sensitive" by the opposite gender, but behind those glasses lurks an animal.

Fun Fact: All those days the printer wasn't working, led him to develop skills in Papier Mâché.

Maria

Occupation: Bilingual translator at a Fortune 500.

Characteristic traits: Always full of energy thanks to the the four cups of coffee mixed with Opiates by 10AM.

Fun Fact: Can conjugate any verb you throw at her.

Max

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Occupation: Bartender.

Character traits: Known for his lop-sided lips.

Fun Fact: The pickup line "Want to ride on my handlebars?" has never worked for him, no matter how drunk the women he's serving are.

Peter

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Occupation: Dentist and Mall Santa during the holidays.

Character traits: Will give you the extra hit of Novocaine if you ask. He served in Vietnam. He knows the day-to-day struggle is real.

Fun Fact: Added balloon animal-making to his repertoire.

Tom

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Occupation: Reporter.

Character traits: Clear and helpful, but let's people walk all over him.

Fun Fact: Usually the first one sent to hazardous locations.

Paul

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Occupation: World-renowned Psychiatrist

Characteristic traits: A calming influence, except while on the road. Don't let his nice demeanor fool you when behind the wheel. If you cut Paul off, he'll destroy you in an instant.

Fun Fact: Divorced with drug addicted children and cousin of Popcorn tycoon, Orville Redenbacher.