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These Hilariously Wrong "Harry Potter" Subtitles Will Make You Cry With Laughter

"Enemy of the lab beware..." You're in for a very interesting ride.

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Tumblr-user jaymhensley had a VERY interesting experience with the subtitles on her copy of "The Chamber of Secrets..."

It started off relatively okay...

Things got weirder once Dobby showed up...

And conditions continued to deteriorate at the Burrow...

Mind you, Mr. Weasley hasn't yet met Harry.
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Mind you, Mr. Weasley hasn't yet met Harry.

And then comes the trip to Diagon Alley...

Food powder? Like, salt? Pepper?
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Food powder? Like, salt? Pepper?

Is flesh summer powder like food powder?
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Is flesh summer powder like food powder?

Things get even weirder when the Malfoys show up...

LOIS MALFROY
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LOIS MALFROY

Closer...
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Closer...

Harry and Ron's arrival at Hogwarts doesn't fare much better...

Please note Hedwig's facial expression.
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Please note Hedwig's facial expression.

I honestly don't know what they're trying to say here.
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I honestly don't know what they're trying to say here.

Apparently Harry and Ron slither now.
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Apparently Harry and Ron slither now.

Even the lessons weren't safe...

And then comes the Howler...

Oh, did I say Howler? I meant hi-lo...
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Oh, did I say Howler? I meant hi-lo...

Yea, Neville, and you broke your wrist, remember?
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Yea, Neville, and you broke your wrist, remember?

Best collect your toads, Ronald.
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Best collect your toads, Ronald.

Somehow, Lockhart doesn't seem that much more ridiculous than he actually is...

He ain't talk about that.
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He ain't talk about that.

Bang and bang sheet? These are second years, Gilderoy. Maybe you should "ain't talk about that."
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Bang and bang sheet? These are second years, Gilderoy. Maybe you should "ain't talk about that."

Quidditch time!

Nerd.
HE'S BACK.
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HE'S BACK.

I think "Nimbus 2001" is the phrase you're searching for, dear.
Via jaymhensley.tumblr.com

I think "Nimbus 2001" is the phrase you're searching for, dear.

JACKA MALFROY.
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JACKA MALFROY.

We know what happens next *coughslugscough*...

Brightest witch of her age, eh?
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Brightest witch of her age, eh?

Here comes the first attack...

We start off in Lockhart's office...
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We start off in Lockhart's office...

But apparently Harry was in McGonagall's??
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But apparently Harry was in McGonagall's??

The words. Are on. The wall.
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The words. Are on. The wall.

Oh, yes, Dumbledore forgot to mention that Voldy keeps domesticated animals in the castle.
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Oh, yes, Dumbledore forgot to mention that Voldy keeps domesticated animals in the castle.

That's what we're all wondering, Malfroy.
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That's what we're all wondering, Malfroy.

Hagrid doesn't give a damn. FILCH, however, probably does...
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Hagrid doesn't give a damn. FILCH, however, probably does...

Next thing we know, Harry's in the hospital wing and- Oh! Dobi's back!

I don't even know.
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I don't even know.

Who is ready to meet Moaning Myrtle?

... Damn it.
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... Damn it.

The next scenes go by rapid-fire...

Did I miss something? Is Hogwarts a military school now?
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Did I miss something? Is Hogwarts a military school now?

She interns in the hospital wing now.
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She interns in the hospital wing now.

Somewhere in there, the Polyjuice potion was prepared...

Malfroy, Croy, and Bud- the most terrifying trio in the wizarding world.
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Malfroy, Croy, and Bud- the most terrifying trio in the wizarding world.

Harry has some encounters with ghosts and flashbacks next...

So emo.
A decently viable sentence? Yes. Meaningful? No.
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A decently viable sentence? Yes. Meaningful? No.

The Penn. Pennsylvania? Penn Badgley?
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The Penn. Pennsylvania? Penn Badgley?

... At least it sort of rhymes?
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... At least it sort of rhymes?

Is P2 Hagrid's nickname? Is R2-D2's cousin in the room?
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Is P2 Hagrid's nickname? Is R2-D2's cousin in the room?

The flashback causes some suspicion...

No, just mindlessly flapping our face-holes.
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No, just mindlessly flapping our face-holes.

Even the Chamber of Secrets itself isn't hidden from the captions...

OH GOD.
This is up there with "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood."
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This is up there with "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood."

Oh, Tom. You're kinda cute, but the words you are producing make no sense.
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Oh, Tom. You're kinda cute, but the words you are producing make no sense.

So Dumbledor. Such greats.
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So Dumbledor. Such greats.

Ehhh no.
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Ehhh no.

Harry survives his encounter with the Basilisk and some questions are answered...

I bet Voldemort puts parcel-TONER in his copier. Ba-dum-TISS.
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I bet Voldemort puts parcel-TONER in his copier. Ba-dum-TISS.

Lois Malfroy, that is.
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Lois Malfroy, that is.

Toby? I thought it was Dobi? Or has the plot of Roots intersected with Harry Potter?
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Toby? I thought it was Dobi? Or has the plot of Roots intersected with Harry Potter?

After all that, the story ends on a high note...

We all are, Hagrid. But at least you're out of Azkaban.
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We all are, Hagrid. But at least you're out of Azkaban.

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