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15 Shakespearean Insults To Replace Your Boring Ones

Because sometimes "Bitch!" just doesn't pack enough punch.

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1. "They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces."

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Translation: "GIRRRL, you UGLY."

(Coriolanus)

2. "This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh!"

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Translation: "Fat-ass."

(Henry IV)

3. "I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book."

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Translation: "You're dumb as hell."

(Troilus and Cressida)

4. "Methinks't thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee."

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Translation: "DUDE, you SUCK."

(All's Well That Ends Well)

5. "I desire we may be better strangers."

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Translation: "GTFO NOW."

(As You Like It)

6. "Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch."

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Translation: "Son of a bitch!"

(King Lear)

7. "More of your conversation would infect my brain."

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Translation: "Shut the living hell up!"

(Coriolanus)

8. "Thou art unfit for any place but hell."

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Translation: "Go to hell!"

(Richard III)

9. "Thy words are blunt and so art thou."

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Translation: "DUMBASS."

(Henry VI, Part II)

10. "Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat."

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Translation: "Pig!"

(Henry V)

11. "Sanctimonious pirate."

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Translation: "Pompous ass."

(Measure for Measure)

12. "No more brain than a stone."

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Translation: "Blockhead."

(Twelfth Night)

13. "Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all."

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Translation: "Lying bitch!"

(A Comedy of Errors)

14. "Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, for I am sick when I do look on thee."

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Translation: "Leave me alone or I will KICK YOUR ASS."

(A Midsummer Night's Dream)

15. "Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows."

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Translate: "You are so FREAKING stupid!"

(Troilus and Cressida)

In conclusion, William Shakespeare = the original sass-master.

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