Gay icon.
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Master of disguise.
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Masturbation extraordinaire.
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Shakespearean scholar.
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Lover of everything frilly and pink.
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Conflict wizard.
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And hater of those who sniff belly buttons.
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Ladies & gentleman, the late + great, fabulous & also outrageous, Anna Nicole Smith.
E! Network courtesy of Everett Collection
Anna Nicole taught us that food comes first.
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The proper pronunciation of cabana.
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Ask for help when you need it.
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News?
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Why?
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And MASTURBATE. Always masturbate.
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She was skeptical of the sun.
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(Which is valid.)
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She said that instead of working out you should paint.
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(Which is valid.)
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Penises ARE funny. You know, dick.
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Tattoos hurt.
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And posing IS fun.
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Like a true legend, go to a tattoo parlor and force your assistant to get a tattoo of your face.
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Love your paparazzi.
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And also love your family.
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Her talented + influential cousin, Cousin Shelley, fit right in.
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QUEEN COUSIN SHELLEY, Y'ALL.
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Anna also taught us to be open.
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She didn't take any bullshit from Howard.
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No matter what, get paid.
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And even more importantly, avoid crawling through chairs because you'll probably get stuck.
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Anna Nicole showed us its okay to suck on a pile of jello jigglies.
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It's okay to fake an orgasm.
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And its okay to know nothing...
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... about nothing.
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But seriously, in all honesty, Anna Nicole was genuine.
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She was legitimately hilarious.
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Like, really funny.
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She knew why dogs were better than men.
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And was also a modern day feminist.
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To wrap things up...
Miss you, Anna Nicole. You were the best.
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Xoxo.
