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Why Rugby Is The Greatest, Most Important Sport Of ALL TIME

Rugby beats water polo. (Unless they have an underwater camera.)

Feb. 24, 2014, is a day I will not soon forget.

That is the day that changed me, my body, and, most importantly, the chemicals in my brain that summon attraction.

*Random tiny angels appear*

*Beams of light shine down*

*Men in tiny tight little shorts appear*

It is the day I discovered rugby.

I refer as my pre-rugby days as the "those times I was blind and couldn't see."

As represented in this picture, in rugby the shirts are tight and the shorts are small. In terms of visual objectification, it doesn't get much better than that.

Hi, tired guy with tons of tats.

Hi, awkward mouth guard.

So anyway, rugby is cool because the guys are constantly plowing into each other.

Nice.

Rugby players' legs are lit'ral and factual truth that God is real.

Have I mentioned that the guys look like this?!?!?!

*Tips hat*

Hi, gorgeous.

Hi, hot guy being embraced by three different men at once.

Hi, perfect specimen.

Hi, thighs.

Hi, ass + legs.

Hi to you too.

SO MANY GODDAMN HELLOS.

Now lets all grab one another's legs and asses.

Another reason why rugby is cool is they do this thing where they lock up and grab one another's butts.

It's like a giant violent orgy.

I don't even know what's happening here but it's quite nice.

I can even ignore those little hair nubbins because grabbing.

More grabbing.

Grabbing basically rules.

Another cool thing that happens in rugby is when there's an accidental shirt lift up.

Also the locker room. I'm not gonna lie, it seems fun.

Yay for tender and sensual embraces!

Yay for guys who casually smile like a fucking dream!

And lastly, yay for the grabbing.

Grabbing <33333

Ultimately, if there's one reason why rugby is the best it is that WE ALL — regardless of race, color, sexual orientation, or species — benefit when rugby is on.

To put it even more shortly, we all win when we watch rugby!

And boy do I like winning!