Why Rugby Is The Greatest, Most Important Sport Of ALL TIME

Rugby beats water polo. (Unless they have an underwater camera.)

1. Feb. 24, 2014, is a day I will not soon forget.

That is the day that changed me, my body, and, most importantly, the chemicals in my brain that summon attraction.

2. *Random tiny angels appear*

3. *Beams of light shine down*

4. *Men in tiny tight little shorts appear*

5. It is the day I discovered rugby.

Mark Kolbe / Getty Images

6. I refer as my pre-rugby days as the “those times I was blind and couldn’t see.”

Mark Kolbe / Getty Images

Feb. 24 was kind of like my great awakening.

7. As represented in this picture, in rugby the shirts are tight and the shorts are small. In terms of visual objectification, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Bradley Kanaris / Getty Images

8. Hi, tired guy with tons of tats.

David Cannon / Getty Images

9. Hi, awkward mouth guard.

Matt King / Getty Images

I like to think of mouth guards as a condom for the mouth.

10. So anyway, rugby is cool because the guys are constantly plowing into each other.

Matt King/Stringer / Getty Images

11. Nice.

Mark Kolbe / Getty Images

12. Rugby players’ legs are lit’ral and factual truth that God is real.

Rob Jefferies / Getty Images

13. Have I mentioned that the guys look like this?!?!?!

David Jones / Getty Images

14. *Tips hat*

Matt King / Getty Images

15. Hi, gorgeous.

Brendon Thorne / Getty Images

16. Hi, hot guy being embraced by three different men at once.

Rob Jefferies / Getty Images

17. Hi, perfect specimen.

Matt Cardy / Getty Images

18. Hi, thighs.

Rob Jefferies / Getty Images

19. Hi, ass + legs.

Stu Forster / Getty Images

20. Hi to you too.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images


22. Now lets all grab one another’s legs and asses.

David Cannon / Getty Images

23. Another reason why rugby is cool is they do this thing where they lock up and grab one another’s butts.

Richard Sellers / Getty Images

24. It’s like a giant violent orgy.

Alan Crowhurst / Getty Images

But in a totally safe way.

25. I don’t even know what’s happening here but it’s quite nice.

David Cannon / Getty Images

26. I can even ignore those little hair nubbins because grabbing.

David Cannon/Staff / Getty Images

27. More grabbing.

Rob Jefferies / Getty Images

28. Grabbing basically rules.

Harry Engels/Stringer / Getty Images

29. Another cool thing that happens in rugby is when there’s an accidental shirt lift up.

Rob Jefferies / Getty Images

Notice: That other man is riding his leg.

30. Also the locker room. I’m not gonna lie, it seems fun.

David Rogers/Staff / Getty Images

31. Yay for tender and sensual embraces!

Stu Forster / Getty Images

32. Yay for guys who casually smile like a fucking dream!

Stu Forster / Getty Images

33. And lastly, yay for the grabbing.

Richard Heathcote / Getty Images

34. Grabbing <33333

35. Ultimately, if there’s one reason why rugby is the best it is that WE ALL — regardless of race, color, sexual orientation, or species — benefit when rugby is on.

Ben Hoskins/Stringer / Getty Images

36. To put it even more shortly, we all win when we watch rugby!

Gallo Images / Getty Images

37. And boy do I like winning!

David Rogers/Staff / Getty Images

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Deputy Editorial Director, Devout Member of the Church of Godney
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