1. WAHHHH WAHHH WAHHH. CRY CRY CRY. I’M A WIDDLE BABY.
2. WAHHHH LOOK AT MY SAD DROOPY BANGS.
3. WAHHHH I MISS MY DIAMOND STUDDED EARRINGS!
4. Well… LISTEN UP, BITCH.
5. WE. DON’T. GIVE. A. DAMN.
6. You are good for one thing.
7. * Makes protest signs. Moves to Brazil. Sets up tents outside some arena or on the beach or something. Begins Occupy Ronaldo movement. Doesn’t shower for days. Starts chant *
8. “WHAT DO WE WANT?”
9. “Biceps, triceps, nipples, chest, abs, and a nice hot back!”
10. * CONTINUES CHANT *
11. “WE DEMAND”
12. “BICEPS, TRICEPS, NIPPLES, CHEST, ABS, AND A NICE HOT BACK.”
13. “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!”
14. “RIGHT. THE FUCK. NOW… or at least the next time you play soccer.”
15. Because frankly we deserve it and you look like shit when you’re crying like a sad baby.
16. And you look like a thousand times better with your shirt off.
20. And you know what, I’ll take an order of man on man action with that too please.
21. Rub that chest. Thank you and goodnight.
- Top legal scholars will be filing the 1st major lawsuit against President Trump's alleged business conflicts on Monday.
- "Welcome to the movement": Women's March on Washington organizers are working tirelessly to make sure 1st-time marchers stick around ✊
- Kellyanne Conway says White House press sec. Sean Spicer didn't lie about crowd size at Trump's inauguration. He gave "alternative facts."
- The Atlanta Falcons are off to the Super Bowl for the 2nd time after defeating the Green Bay Packers 🏈