WAHHHH WAHHH WAHHH. CRY CRY CRY. I'M A WIDDLE BABY.

WAHHHH LOOK AT MY SAD DROOPY BANGS.

WAHHHH I MISS MY DIAMOND STUDDED EARRINGS!

Well... LISTEN UP, BITCH.
WE. DON'T. GIVE. A. DAMN.
You are good for one thing.
* Makes protest signs. Moves to Brazil. Sets up tents outside some arena or on the beach or something. Begins Occupy Ronaldo movement. Doesn't shower for days. Starts chant *
"WHAT DO WE WANT?"
"Biceps, triceps, nipples, chest, abs, and a nice hot back!"

Lars Baron / Getty Images
* CONTINUES CHANT *
"WE DEMAND"
"BICEPS, TRICEPS, NIPPLES, CHEST, ABS, AND A NICE HOT BACK."

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images
"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!"
"RIGHT. THE FUCK. NOW... or at least the next time you play soccer."

Lars Baron / Getty Images
Because frankly we deserve it and you look like shit when you're crying like a sad baby.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images
And you look like a thousand times better with your shirt off.

Getty Images
And I can almost forget about those diamond studded earrings when you're half naked.

ALMOST.

#Freethenipple.

Lars Baron / Getty Images
And you know what, I'll take an order of man on man action with that too please.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images
Rub that chest. Thank you and goodnight.

Manuel Queimadelos / Getty Images