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Warning: If You Read This And Are Over Age 25 Then You Will Feel 84

"Who is she?" —Me, screaming from my lawn after recovering from plastic surgery because I need it to feel young again.

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Last night was the 2017 Teen Choice Awards. It made me feel 100.

To visualize your old-ass age, here are pictures from the 2003 Teen Choice Awards compared with pictures from the 2017 Teen Choice Awards. Prepare to feel like the old lady on the Titanic.

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: JC Chasez in some questionable button-down that maybe says "charisma"? And Jessica Alba.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: These children could possibly be on a revival of Gossip Girl except now they live in Bushwick and work freelance.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Tom Green being problematic to teens.

Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards are like in 2017: Let's just call them Tim and Dorothy.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Amanda Bynes and Wilmer Valderrama.

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What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: Who is she?

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Verne Troyer stealing the show.

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What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: Little Ethel?

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning being all cute and shit.

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What the Teen Choice Awards are like in 2017: A random child.

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What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Colin Farrell being all hot and shit.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like now: That guy from YouTube everyone hates.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: A performance by vocalist Kelly Clarkson.

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What the Teen Choice Awards look in 2017: He looks like a Jerry or Rich.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Ashton Kutcher on the verge of saying, "WELL, ACTUALLY."

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What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: People with pink hair and dogs.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan.

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What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: 3LW's nieces?

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Nick and Jess.

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What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: Cheryl and Tammy (no idea).

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Chad Michael Murray with a dirt stache and tuxedo shirt.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: These three men.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Paris Hilton and her fellow chunky-highlighted, faux-tanned friend.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: Another child.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: This is a picture of Ashlee Simpson with the cast of 7th Heaven.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like now: A teen cult.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Spade together for some reason.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: Marla and Mayberry?

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: Your Aunt Debby.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like in 2017: A marshmallow.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards were like in 2003: The cast of The OC.

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like now: Some kid.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What you remember the Teen Choice Awards as: The Rock and a legend.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

What the Teen Choice Awards look like now: They look related but I also have no idea who any of these people are.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

The end.

Disclaimer: No offense to any teens. Please educate me in the comments.

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