1. There will be gay kissing.
When couples get married they will in most instances kiss. It happened in Spain. This photo stands as proof.
2. There will be gay hand holding.
It happened in Seattle. What you didn’t see was a statue in the background of baby Jesus CRYING.
3. Two men might wear leis.
Again, in Seattle. *JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL* Carrie Underwood, WHERE ARE YOU ?!
4. Flowers will be desecrated.
NOT THE ROSES.
5. People will cheer.
This is an actual, real picture from New York City. I swear it isn’t photoshopped. PEOPLE ARE CHEERING.
6. Gay people will hug.
Again, THIS PICTURE IS NOT PHOTOSHOPPED.
7. People will cry.
AND IT WON’T BE BECAUSE OF THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE IS FOREVER DESTROYED.
8. They may even shout.
9. Gay people will be happy.
Smiling? YOU’RE SMILING?
10. Two women might even wear dresses.
My face right now ——> : 0
11. Two guys might wear matching shirts.
My face is permanently stuck like this ——> : 0
12. There might be head hugging.
Another real, undoctored photograph from New York City. OH GOD.
13. They may even bring signs.
NOT THE SIGNS.
14. Facebook relationship statuses will be changed from “in a relationship” to “married.”
HOW COULD YOU, MARK ZUCKERBERG?!
15. Vows will be read to two people of the same sex.
I’m crying right now.
16. Two members of the same sex will exchange rings.
That just… can’t happen.
17. Two women will kiss.
Now they’ve gone too far.
18. Two members of the same sex will proudly hold their marriage license in the air.
Proudly! They will be proud!
19. Two men will help fix each other’s bow ties.
You’re eyes are not deceiving you!
20. Basically, there will be a lot of GAY KISSING and GAY HAPPINESS.
21. MEN WILL CRY.
22. And most importantly, the wedding cake topper industry will basically COLLAPSE AND DIE AND BURN.
WHAT ABOUT THE CAKE?!
- Tom Perez has been named chair of the Democratic National Committee. He was Obama's Labor Secretary.