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Politics

58 Things I Learned At The Republican National Convention

The food sucked.

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3. Delegate dancing needs to be a sport or something.

My absolute favorite part of the convention was the dancing. The musical breaks were the best because all the old people would start dancing. It was amazing.

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11. Texas Republicans like really gay music.

I hung outside a Texas delegate party for a little bit, and this was the music I heard:

1. Bad Girls

2. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

3. Some really gay "Rolling In The Deep" remix

And then I left.

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13. Straws shouldn't be made out of cardboard.

Google was awesome at the convention because they gave out free coffee. I'm talking cappuccinos and lattes. Fancy stuff.

The only problem was the straws. They were made of cardboard and fell apart!

14. The Raging Grannies choreograph their own routines. They strategically situate the vaginas.

The Raging Grannies perform a little routine where they each talk about a Raging Granny cause. Before they begin, they make sure they have their vaginas are spread out.

15. Scientologists are courting Occupy Wall Street people.

There were about a dozen or so Scientologists at the "big" (it was kind of embarrassingly small) Occupy Wall Street protest on Monday.

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17. Geraldo is a MASTER picture poser.

Geraldo would hang out at his booth during the day, and whenever anyone would take his picture he would stop, pose, and smile. It was seriously impressive.

20. It sucks to get kicked out of a Pat Boone over 60 party.

Pat Boone held a 60 or over breakfast. They wouldn't let me in, and to be totally honest, it looked like fun. Lots of bloody marys and mimosas. So that sucked.

21. If you go to the RNC, you might just get to touch an Olympic medal.

This is Bill Schuffenhauer. He helped the U.S. win a silver medal in the skeleton.

When I asked to take my picture with him he automatically put the medal around my neck. Coolest thing ever.

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22. Working/typing/thinking on a walking treadmill is pretty hard.

Google had a couple walking treadmills set up.

Here's what I found out:

1. 2.3 is the perfect speed. Any faster and it's kind of impossible to type.

2. The walking treadmills only go up to 4.0 speed. So no running.

3. It's not easy. You do kind of get the hang of it after a little bit, though.

26. You're not really allowed to bring signs into the convention center, so all of the signs you see on TV are pre-made.

28. Republicans aren't into face masks.

On the second night of the convention these Paul Ryan face masks were being handed out on the floor. No one really wore them. I also didn't get one, and I'm still super bummed about that.

29. The Texas delegates are really good at coordinating their wardrobes.

Everyone from Texas has the same cowboy hat.

They also all dress the same. On the first day they wear denim and flag shirts, on the second day they wear blue shirts and khakis, and the last night is "dress up night", so they wear whatever they want.

33. But there wasn't really that much anti-Obama swag to begin with. My favorite anti-Obama swag was a " Pootin' Tootin' President Obama" doll.

37. Everyone needs to get off of their cellphones.

I was going to make an entire post dedicated to people looking bored on their cellphones on the floor, but I didn't. That would be boring itself.

But seriously, real talk, listen to the person speaking!

41. The Huffington Post had the most elaborate free house.

Everyone who got into the convention could go to the "Huff Post Oasis." It was in some building about 5 minutes away from the convention center.

It was amazing. They had food, drinks, yoga classes, massages, facials, etc. ALL FOR FREE.

They also had this weird energy increaser thing.

It was great, but the go-go boys sucked. They wore mom jeans and weird belly shirts. Also, a bunch of the gays there weren't even Republicans. I talked to one guy from Tampa who actually voted for McCain in 2008, but now he's voting for Obama in 2012. Go figure.

49. The best way to dress up a suit is with a Reagan visor with a transparent red brim.

Spotted on the floor on the last night.

I'm usually VERY anti-visor, but I think this one is acceptable.

56. SCOTT HAMILTON IS A REPUBLICAN

The biggest shock of the last night of the convention for me was finding this out. What was even more surprising was that he got the biggest applause out of all the Olympians. Who would have thought?!

THE END.

All photos taken by Matt Stopera... except 22, 50, and 52 which were taken by Scott.

Deputy Editorial Director, Devout Member of the Church of Godney

Contact Matt Stopera at matt.stopera@buzzfeed.com.

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