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45 Things I Learned At The Creation Museum

Everything you ever wanted to know about the biggest creation museum in the world.

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Backstory: I went to the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Ky., for the Bill Nye–Ken Ham debate. First off, the museum is HUGE. It's also REALLY nice. Like one of the nicest museums I've ever been to. It took me over three hours to go through it. Through the course of those three hours, I learned just about everything I could possibly ever want to know about creationism. Here, in convenient list form, is everything I learned.

1. The Creation Museum really needs to get better displays of children who have been deprived of creationism.

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These two just weren't cutting it. They greet you pretty early on in the museum.

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3. This is what creationists think teachers who teach evolution sound like:

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They had this special effects show in a big theater with shaking chairs and water sprinklers. It was pretty cool and very Disney. This part caught my attention, though. They were constantly tearing down teachers. Teachers who teach evolution are the worst!

4. The biggest difference between God's word and man's word is that man's word believes in slow processes while God's word is about rapid processes.

It's about the great flood. Everything happened really fast for creationists. See above.

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10. And especially metallic beetles.

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The insect exhibit had all of these placards that say to THINK CRITICALLY about the issues.

The question asked: How could intricate design features such as structural refraction and use of polarized light have slowly evolved?

Answer: God says in the Bible that we shall not worry about clothing. God clothes the grass in the field like he clothes you. I think that's what that means?

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20. Creationists like to use Mount St. Helens as an example for why creationism is true.

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Because Mount St. Helens altered the environment so fast, it makes the creation argument valid.

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23. The present is not the key to the past.

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"Modern catastrophes provide only clues about those times." If we weren't there, we couldn't possibly know. The Bible is a first-person account of the past. It is a historical text. It's the only thing we can use.

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25. When the flood happened, it was absolutely terrifying and there were tigers and humans on rocks.

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This was a miniature display showing what the world looked like as the flood happened. Very scary.

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39. Wives jealous of pastors and brothers looking at porn together are a consequence of our sinful world.

They had these pretty amazing videos of a jealous wives and weed-smoking brothers playing in a display of the godless world.

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41. The Creation Museum has, quite possibly, the scariest door ever.

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When you enter the world of sin, you see this door. The Creation Museum is made for children, and I can't imagine that this door wouldn't scar them.

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