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    Posted on Jul 29, 2014

    42 Things Britney Spears Does That Normal People Could Never

    Basically everything.

    1. Go to the Cheesecake Factory and forget to pay your bill.

    2. Visit the moon.

    3. Talk about something without actually talking about that thing and still make sense.

    4. Think actual live monkey's live in a child's hat.

    5. Start your own religion...

    ... that would take over the world and inspire all to be better versions of themselves.

    6. Look exactly the same over the course of 80+ years.

    7. Have gays do all your promo for you.

    8. Put the same song on multiple albums.

    9. Look like a true badass bitch throwing the deuces up in a pink turtleneck.

    10. Sacrifice with a group of witches.

    11. Endearingly air clap.

    12. Have the Pope hold your most important work of art.

    13. Forget how to smile.

    14. Explore Mars on a mini Escalade.

    15. Have the President of the free world tweet you thanking you for single handedly saving the economy.

    16. Hoard fast food under your bed.

    17. Ignore a 12-year-old.

    18. Sell produce in Ukraine.

    19. Get teens to go to bed.

    20. Master the Japanese language in like a day.


    21. Make people cry on command with a handshake.

    22. Have literally no idea how to say Ke$ha's name.

    23. Say the word "vagina loca" and have it be totally okay.

    24. Educate millions of people with the flip of your hair.

    25. Use words that actually mean nothing.

    26. Promote an album on Mars.

    27. Successfully pull off a plastic see-through cowboy hat.

    28. Let some dude with a checkerboard head touch you.

    29. Gyrate on a wall in some dungeon where Madonna happens to be on the other side.

    30. Do this?

    31. Double first a frap.

    32. Actually get Suri to work.

    33. Completely blur gender boundaries.

    34. Enslave 4 gays.

    35. Use the word "funky."

    36. Permanently dress like you're stuck in the early 2000s.

    37. Have frappucino-induced rage.


    38. Appear in Sabrina the teenage witch's living room.

    39. Lick Snoop Dogg's beard.

    40. Be a cartoon character.

    41. Eat a big ass sandwich while people cater to your every want and need.

    42. And lastly + most iconically, inspire millions of people to "do emails."

    Shoutouts to my fav Tumblrs of all time: Elephantney, Trollney, and Slavesnake. LYLAS.

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