Best part: “Police in Connecticut say they’re looking for a man who smashed his vehicle into a gas station in Newington, swiped a banana from a shelf and ate it before leaving early Wednesday morning. Nothing else was taken.”
Best part: “The banana break-in and lobster larceny happened at the UNC student union between March 31 and April 1 and resulted in the removal of a wooden sculpture worth $1,000, WXIX-TV reported.”
He asked the student: “Why a banana? Why not a … grape?”
“I don’t know,” Thompson replied. “Potassium is great.”
Best part: “Solange approached Club Cameo and was turned away because she was intoxicated and carrying a 3 ft banana shaped balloon.”
Best part: “According to the store manager, the gorilla was not injured, just embarrassed. Police were unable to locate the banana.”
Best part: “The neighbor, Joseph Giacomo, 85, allegedly pointed a pistol at his head and threatened to kill him.”
Best part: “Mabe says deputies took pictures of the banana peel.”
Best part: “A woman who was recently convicted of stealing a banana showed her displeasure with a Broward judge’s bond decision by grabbing a roll of toilet paper and throwing it at the camera.”
Best part: “When the victim went into the store, Johnson told police she chased her, throwing bananas at the victim while calling her a “monkey.”“
Best part: “He said this idea was to attract customers to the store.”
Best part: The fact that this woman is called “Banana Lady.”
Best part: The fact that this woman is called “Banana Man.”
Craziest part: “When the deputy tried to arrest Smolinsky, he resisted and had to be pepper-sprayed, authorities said.”
Best part: “Pieper said Kohnert didn’t offer much of an explanation for the yellow banana costume. “All we know is he was drinking earlier in the day, but he didn’t really have a reason for the costume.”
Best part: “Banana man is free.”
Best part: The fact that someone thought a banana was a snake?!!
Craziest part: “The incident occurred on the weekend when Wape intervened in a fight between his father and another son arguing over a bunch of bananas.”
Best part: “Somebody dressed in a gorilla suit entered the store and was apparently trying to take a large banana that they had as part of a banana display,” said police Capt. Steve Klein.”
Best part: The screen captures obviously.
And lastly, though slightly un-related…
That had nothing to do with bananas but HOW COULD I NOT INCLUDE IT?!
- Nope, President Donald Trump will not release his tax returns after an IRS audit, the White House says, despite pledging to do so.
- Trump has commented on yesterday's massive Women's Marches asking, "why didn't these people vote?"
- Kellyanne Conway says White House press sec. Sean Spicer didn't lie about crowd size at Trump's inauguration. He gave "alternative facts."
- "SNL" paused the laughs for a moment last night to pay tribute to former President Barack Obama.