The DOs And DON’Ts Of Grindr

Your essential guide to the gay hookup app, Grindr. There is some NSFW language in this post. You’ve been warned.

1. DO: Avoid sketchy situations.

2. DON’T: Be the “ultimate hag”.

Queen Of The Fruit Flies… NOPE.

3. DO: Capitalize correctly.


4. DON’T: Speak to chocolate chip cookies.

That cookie looks like shit.

5. DO: Answer like this if someone “woofs” at you.

6. DON’T: Pretend to be the Pope.

Because that’s terrifying.

8. DON’T: Invite someone to hang out with your fag hags.

10. DON’T: Ever answer anyone who sends you a message about hawking loogies and breaking pencils.

11. DO: Be creative with your greetings.


13. DO: Get a hobby besides modeling.

14. DON’T: Tell someone you want to fuck them on the back of the bus.

15. DO: Shave before you take the picture.

16. DON’T: Be this guy.

17. DO: Send a proper picture.

19. DO: Be creative with your pick up lines.

20. DON’T: Ever use Kenny Loggins in your pick up line.

21. DO: Use your words.

22. DON’T: Believe anyone on Grindr who says they’re straight.

23. DO: Proofread your message before you send.

DON’T: Trust anyone who spells boy with an i, especially if they are a self-proclaimed “boi-rider”.

24. DO: Photoshop a kitten on your shoulder.

Because why not?

25. DON’T: Tell someone they look like a trendy hairdresser.

Kind of a weird compliment.

And here are just a bunch more DON’Ts because yeah… it’s Grindr.

26. DON’T: Just say random shit in order to get a response.

27. DON’T: EVER use the word “gravy stain” in your profile.

28. DON’T: Message someone you went to high school with.

31. DON’T: Ask someone to have their “back doors bashed in”.

32. NEVER: Ask someone if they want to go to “Poundtown”

Check out more articles on!

Deputy Editorial Director, Devout Member of the Church of Godney
Contact Matt Stopera at
Got a confidential tip? Submit it here.
Now Buzzing