Our story begins with Billy Ray Cyrus. He is 52 years old...
...and this is the tattoo he got last month.
He has a a lot of hair.
His hobbies include frosting and highlighting his hair.
Also spiking it.
Tish (real name: Leticia) married Billy Ray in 1993. Together her and Billy Ray had three children, Destiny Hope (Miley) (born 1993), Braison Chance (born 1994), and Noah Lindsey (born 2000).
Tish has two children from previous marriages whom Billy Ray adopted as his own. We'll get to them later.
This is Christopher Cody Cyrus. He is Billy Ray's child from a previous relationship he had with a waitress. He was born the same year as Miley but was conceived with a different woman. At the time, Billy Ray was single.
According to Ocean Up, he works in an electronics store.
That makes him Miley's half-brother. Miley is the oldest of the kids Tish and Billy Ray conceived together. She is 20 years old.
Braison Chance is 19 years old. He was born from Billy Ray's mullet.
He currently attends the New York Film Academy.
His iPhone is cracked and he is trying to grow a beard.
Noah is the youngest Cyrus. She is 13 years old.
When she was 9, she wore this outfit and people freaked out.
In 2010, Noah was in talks to create a children's lingerie line.
Trace is Tish's son. Billy Ray adopted him. He's 24 and has face tats.
In 2011, he was briefly engaged to Disney Channel star Brenda Song. They broke off their engagement in 2012 but have since gotten back together.
Trace was in the band Metro Station. They broke up and now he has a clothing line called Backseats and Bedrooms. He's also in a band called Ashland High.
Here's a bonus pic of him without face tats + 2009's wildly popular "The Gosselin" haircut.
Brandi Cyrus, also known as "the forgotten one," is the oldest Cyrus child. She's 26 and lives in L.A. Billy Ray adopted her, along with Trace.
She, of course, has a fashion line, because why wouldn't she?
She also looks eerily similar to Miley.
WHO IS WHO?!
Brandi also loves horses.
*Horse love*
Now here are some throwback pictures because Billy Ray and Tish in the '90s are hilarious.
RIP Liam.
And there you have it, folks! Everything you were always afraid to ask about the Cyrus family! You're welcome!
CORRECTION: An earlier version of this post misidentified Miley's brother, Christopher Cody. (9/17)