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28 Songs That Shouldn't Have Flopped But Straight People Exist

This isn't necessarily an attack on straight people, this is an all-out war on heterosexuality.

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1. "Sparks" by Hilary Duff

It's a straight-up hate crime this gorgeous song wasn't a No. 1 hit.
youtube.com

It's a straight-up hate crime this gorgeous song wasn't a No. 1 hit.

2. "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato

Apparently straight people never got the memo that "Cool for the Summer" was the song of the summer for the past three years.
youtube.com

Apparently straight people never got the memo that "Cool for the Summer" was the song of the summer for the past three years.

3. Tinashe's entire music career.

It's a literal gay nightmare that Tinashe hasn't *happened* yet.
youtube.com

It's a literal gay nightmare that Tinashe hasn't *happened* yet.

4. Fergie's nonexistent second album.

I blame heterosexuality on her 72 buzz singles and no second album.
youtube.com

I blame heterosexuality on her 72 buzz singles and no second album.

5. "Slumber Party" by Britney Spears

I find it sad that st*aights just couldn't relate to this gorgeous song about lesbionic sleepovers in illuminati mansions.
youtube.com

I find it sad that st*aights just couldn't relate to this gorgeous song about lesbionic sleepovers in illuminati mansions.

6. "Touch" by Little Mix

I find it anti-gay that Little Mix has been unable to break into the US market. Trump's America, indeed.
youtube.com

I find it anti-gay that Little Mix has been unable to break into the US market. Trump's America, indeed.

7. "Sledgehammer" by Fifth Harmony

Heterosexuals were just not ready for this bop!
youtube.com

Heterosexuals were just not ready for this bop!

8. "4th of July" by Kelis

Flesh Tones made me gayer, and straight people could use a little bit of that (the gay).
youtube.com

Flesh Tones made me gayer, and straight people could use a little bit of that (the gay).

9. "I Luh Ya Papi" by Jennifer Lopez

My eternal song of the summer that never happened because straight people don't like nice things.
youtube.com

My eternal song of the summer that never happened because straight people don't like nice things.

10. La Roux's last album.

It invented trop-pop, something straight people (Justin Bieber👀 ) took credit for.
Juno Records

It invented trop-pop, something straight people (Justin Bieber👀 ) took credit for.

11. "Fuck Apologies" by JoJo

A talented vocalist with good songs, if only the general public could see that. 😭
youtube.com

A talented vocalist with good songs, if only the general public could see that. 😭

12. "Livin' It Up" by Ciara feat. Nicki Minaj

This wasn't even a single but it deserved to be. I blame the patriarchy, I guess?
youtube.com

This wasn't even a single but it deserved to be. I blame the patriarchy, I guess?

13. Florrie, the singer

Let Florrie flourish outside of the homosexual market. Please.
Sony Music

Let Florrie flourish outside of the homosexual market. Please.

14. "Heartstrings" by Leighton Meester

Literally the only thing I care about in life right now is Leighton Meester's music career.
youtube.com

Literally the only thing I care about in life right now is Leighton Meester's music career.

15. Bonnie Mckee, the singer

Literally just poor Bonnie.
youtube.com

Literally just poor Bonnie.

16. "Here's to Never Growing Up" by Avril Lavigne

From Avril's CRIMINALLY + problematically underrated last album. Imagine being a heterosexual and not knowing that?!
youtube.com

From Avril's CRIMINALLY + problematically underrated last album. Imagine being a heterosexual and not knowing that?!

17. "G.U.Y." by Lady Gaga

Like most gay things, "G.U.Y." was ahead of its time.
youtube.com

Like most gay things, "G.U.Y." was ahead of its time.

18. "Lemonade" by Danity Kane

I would blame straight people on this flopping but honestly Danity Kane just really fucking hated each other.
youtube.com

I would blame straight people on this flopping but honestly Danity Kane just really fucking hated each other.

19. "Don't Hold Your Breath" by Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Sjkalsafkljasdfkjl's best song, completely ignored by heteros!
youtube.com

Nicole Sjkalsafkljasdfkjl's best song, completely ignored by heteros!

20. "Everything Is Embarrassing" by Sky Ferreira

Meanwhile, my straight brother is sitting next to me "explaining" that this song would have never happened because it's indie. Get a life, Dave! Stop pop-splaining me!
youtube.com

Meanwhile, my straight brother is sitting next to me "explaining" that this song would have never happened because it's indie. Get a life, Dave! Stop pop-splaining me!

21. "Get Outta My Way" by Kylie Minogue

It's 2017 and straight people still have relegated Kylie to Madonna's shadow and I am NOT okay with that.
youtube.com

It's 2017 and straight people still have relegated Kylie to Madonna's shadow and I am NOT okay with that.

22. "How to Be a Heartbreaker" by Marina & The Diamonds

Unfortunately, and I say this with love, Marina will always be for the gays (and lovers of gayish, gay-like, highly homo things).
youtube.com

Unfortunately, and I say this with love, Marina will always be for the gays (and lovers of gayish, gay-like, highly homo things).

23. "Closer" by Tegan and Sara

Yes, the rumors are true, America is afraid of two powerful queer women who make bops.
youtube.com

Yes, the rumors are true, America is afraid of two powerful queer women who make bops.

24. "Into You" by Ariana Grande

No, this song didn't remotely flop...but it should have been No. 1 for 74 weeks. I hate that I live in a world where "Dangerous Woman" was a bigger hit than this.
youtube.com

No, this song didn't remotely flop...but it should have been No. 1 for 74 weeks. I hate that I live in a world where "Dangerous Woman" was a bigger hit than this.

25. "Woohoo" by Christina Aguilera feat. Nicki Minaj

You'll only hear me say this once: Bionic is a good album that was ahead of its time. Straight ears just couldn't understand that.
RCA

You'll only hear me say this once: Bionic is a good album that was ahead of its time. Straight ears just couldn't understand that.

26. "Ugly Heart" by G.R.L.

G.R.L. could have been *that* girl group but breeders decided otherwise. Sad.
youtube.com

G.R.L. could have been *that* girl group but breeders decided otherwise. Sad.

27. "Dancing on My Own" by Robyn

This song has a cult-like straight following, but that's not enough. Every straight person from Maine to Minnesota (and beyond) should know this song!
youtube.com

This song has a cult-like straight following, but that's not enough. Every straight person from Maine to Minnesota (and beyond) should know this song!

28. And Carly Rae Jepsen.

Frankly, it is straight-up homophobic that Carly Rae Jepsen isn't a top-selling artist. THE END.
youtube.com

Frankly, it is straight-up homophobic that Carly Rae Jepsen isn't a top-selling artist. THE END.

You can listen to the Spotify playlist here:

embed.spotify.com
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