Christina Aguilera, What The Fuck Are You Doing?
This comes from a good place, I swear.
The past five years have been pretty busy for Christina Aguilera!
She's become a successful spokesperson for Oreo, like the cookie.
She's cohosted a show with Lil' Bow Wow on Spike TV about karaoke or some shit.
She's been superglued to a revolving red chair on that show The Voice.
And she was even a character in the wildly successful Emoji Movie!
But everyone, myself included, are wondering...
Christina Aguilera's last album, Lotus, came out in 2012, and she's been basically straight-up lying with promises of new music ever since!
Some brave and bitter soul compiled two years' worth of Christina Aguilera saying her new album is coming out soon.
It all started on May 4, 2015, when she said: "I just want my fans to know it's coming."
A few months later, she said: "It's still a work in process."
Then in February 2016, she said: "It will be a body of work that is timeless."
In May 2016, she said: "I'm super excited to get back to what I'm really meant to do."
And a week after that, she promised it was coming soon: "I promise that it will be out by the end of the year."
Now, in modern times, for the entire month of July, Christina has tweeted approximately three times and every single damn time it has been about the fucking Emoji Movie.
WHY ARE YOU DOING PROMO FOR A FLOP-ASS MOVIE, CHRISTINA?!
It's becoming clear that Christina has literally everything else but a new album on her mind...
...and frankly, I am exhausted.
Christina, Miss Baby Jane, please stop with the cookies and start with the promo.
We will not stop until you announce it.
Give the people what they want before they riot.
Because I swear to god if I am in a random classroom in middle America and a kid raises his hand and says Christina is the "cookie lady" I will FREAK the fuck out.
Give us another Stripped.
Hell, I'll even take a Bionic.
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