42 Songs I Will Never Not Be Mad At Straight People For Letting Flop

This isn't necessarily an attack on straight people — this is an all-out war on heterosexuality.

1. "React" by the Pussycat Dolls.

Merlin / youtube.com

One of THE best songs of 2020 — if not the best.

2. "Into You" by Ariana Grande.

Republic Records / youtube.com

No, this song didn't remotely flop...but it should have been No. 1 for 74 weeks.

3. Ashley O's entire discography.

Netflix

The most powerful two-song discography ever.

4. Anything JoJo released after age 13.

Atlantic Records / youtube.com

A talented vocalist with amazing songs released after she was a teen, if only the general public could see that. 😭

5. Aly & AJ's "Potential Breakup Song," explicit version.

Hollywood Records

It's crazy how much of a difference one "fucking" makes.

6. Most early-2000s Celine Dion, like "I Drove All Night" and "A New Day Has Come."

Sony BMG

The era when only moms and gays listened to her.

7. "Tell Him" by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.

Sony BMG

I firmly believe the "Tell Him" video is the gayest music video ever made.

8. Nicola Roberts's Cinderella Eyes album.

UMGI

If you know, you know. Cinderella Eyes is one of the greatest solo records from a former girl group member ever.

9. "Physical" by Dua Lipa.

UMGI

This is on this list because if gay people decided, "Physical" would have been the biggest hit off of Future Nostalgia.

10. "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato.

Hollywood Records / youtube.com

Straight people never got the memo that "Cool for the Summer" has been the song of the summer for the past six years.

11. Tinashe's entire music career.

RCA / youtube.com

It's 2021 and I'm still waiting for Tinashe to get the respect she deserves.

12. Britney Spears' Glory album, but especially "Slumber Party."

RCA Records

In 2016, Britney Spears released her best album in a decade. "Slumber Party" was an obvious hit song, with her best video of the 2010s.

13. Little Mix (in the US).

Syco Music / youtube.com

Little Mix deserves Spice Girl–level fame. End of story.

14. "Sledgehammer" by Fifth Harmony.

Syco Music / youtube.com

Heterosexuals were just not ready for this Meghan Trainor–written bop.

15. Kelis's Fleshtone album.

Iamkelis / youtube.com

"4th of July (Fireworks)" should be the gay national anthem.

16. "I Luh Ya Papi" by Jennifer Lopez.

UMG / youtube.com

A J.Lo classic that most heterosexuals don't even know exists.

17. Leighton Meester's "Heartstrings" album.

Hotly Wanting / youtube.com

A triumph and a masterpiece. If you are heterosexual and haven't listened to this album. then you know what you need to do: fucking listen to it!!!

18. Bonnie McKee

Bonnie McKee Music / youtube.com

She keeps on trying, and straight people keep on letting her down.

19. Rina Sawayama's album.

Dirty Hit / ‎Avex Trax

On Chromatica, heterosexuality is limited, iced coffee is free, and Rina Sawayama is a household name.

20. Kim Petras's Turn Off the Light album.

BunHead

A Halloween-themed pop album. Her mind.

21. "G.U.Y." by Lady Gaga.

Interscope / youtube.com

Like most gay things, "G.U.Y." was ahead of its time.

22. Sky Ferreira.

Capitol Records / youtube.com

Sky Ferreira: a name only gays and Williamsburg hipsters know.

23. "Get Outta My Way" by Kylie Minogue.

WMG / youtube.com

It's 2021 and straight people have still relegated Kylie Minogue to Madonna's shadow, and that is not okay.

24. Kylie Minogue's Disco album.

Darenote

Her opus.

25. The Burlesque soundtrack.

RCA

Play "Express" at my funeral.

26. "She Wolf" by Shakira.

Epic

Straight people just never talk about this one.

27. "How to Be a Heartbreaker" by Marina and the Diamonds.

WMG / youtube.com

Maybe the video was too much for straight people?

28. Christina Aguilera's Bionic album.

RCA

Bionic turned out to be ahead of its time. "Woohoo," "Desnudate," and my personal favorite, "Birds of Prey." Classics!

29. G.R.L., the group.

SME/youtube.com

G.R.L. could have been *that* girl group, but the heterosexual population decided otherwise.

30. "Dancing on My Own" by Robyn.

Konichiwa Records / youtube.com

This song has a cultlike straight following, but that's not enough. This should have been a multi-sexuality smash.

31. Mariah Carey's entire Caution album.

Epic / youtube.com

A classic Mariah Carey album!

32. The singles from Katy Perry's last album — that I already forget what it was called.

Capitol Records / youtube.com

Katy Perry released her best songs since "Teenage Dream," but no one cared.

33. Most songs by Zara Larsson.

Epic / youtube.com

Especially "All the Time."

34. Anything Tove Lo released after "Habits."

Universal Music / youtube.com

From "Glad He's Gone" to "Disco Tits" to "I'm Coming." So many good songs.

35. The pop songs from A Star Is Born.

Warner Bros.

Ally could do Led Zeppelin’s "Kashmir," but Led Zeppelin could never do "Why Did You Do That?"

36. "Vroom Vroom" by Charli XCX.

BMI / youtube.com

I could have put Charli XCX's entire music career, but that would be a lie because straight people love "Boom Clap."

37. "Commander" by Kelly Rowland.

Universal Motown Records / youtube.com

Kelly Rowland has made some of the best dance music of our time! It's sad that straight people only know her from Destiny's Child.

38. "Motivation" by Normani.

RCA Records / youtube.com

I'm sorry, but I blame straight people for there being no second Normani single yet. It's been over a year!

39. Betty Who's entire discography besides "Somebody Loves You" because of that one viral video.

RCA / youtube.com

Because if there's a pride parade, Betty Who will surely be performing there.

40. "Feedback" by Janet Jackson.

Island Def Jam / youtube.com

A Janet Jackson (gay) classic.

41. Any Carly Rae Jepsen song besides "Call Me Maybe."

UMG / youtube.com

She has a discography.

42. And "Sparks" by Hilary Duff.

SME / youtube.com

Because I will never not be disgusted that this wasn't a hit.

You can listen to the playlist on Apple Music or on Spotify here:

embed.spotify.com