26 Facts About Straight People That Are Completely And Totally True
This post is for you, heteros!
The first thing you need to know about straight people is that they're some of the most stylish people I've ever met.
When they look good, they REALLY look great.*
You guys, look how adorable this straight family is! The Patrick Harrises are shaking!
Straight people are natural wordsmiths...
... with irresistible charm.
They tell it like it is!
For straight people, family comes first.
They ask all the *right* questions.
But let me tell you, if you have to fart, they will be the first to get right up in there and smell it!
Straight people are inquisitive.
They're always making up names for things. I find that really endearing.
They are willing to take chances, venture into parts unknown, and really get *into* their work.
Straight people are romantics.
They travel in packs.
This is what they look like grinding:
And this is what they look like after they've stabbed someone with a squirrel:
Straight people are, how do I say this politely? Quite the sexual provocateurs.
They're sexually inventive.
Basically, they love doin' the dirty!
On a serious note, sometimes straight people are unjustly persecuted for their straightness.
And other times, they really need God.
But at the end of the day, straight people, thank you for being incredibly wonderful creatures!
Without you, we'd be nothing.
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