Celebrity

Ryan Gosling Makes First Public Appearance In Months, Pumps Gas, And Saves Your Soul

HE HAS RISEN. REJOICE.

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In an appearance unparalleled since the rising of Jesus Christ from a cave in Jerusalem long ago in olden times, lit'ral "hot" god Ryan Gosling came back into our lives at a gas station this week.

And now, as we do, let's celebrate this with a Bible verse from Luke something or other: "For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. So they began to celebrate."

AND CELEBRATE WE WILL.

HALLELUJAH. HALLELUJAH. AMEN. AMEN.

As He decided which grade of gasoline to put in His machine, His forearms flexed. His eyes strained. And an angel got its wings.