The 9 Most Ridiculous Things I've Learned About Prince Harry In His Memoir... Against My Will

From circumcision to Suits standom.

Prince Harry's memoir Spare comes out next week!

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And everyone online has been bombarded with wild (and completely unnecessary) details about his life.

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So, let's take a look at them! Because if I had to see them, then you do too!

1. Harry had a frostbitten penis at William and Kate's wedding.

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Yep, a frostbitten dick. Page Six reports Harry got the penisbite on a charity trip with Will. He tried to use Elizabeth Arden cream to fix it, but that didn't work.

2. On that same note, Harry calls his penis a "todger."

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In the book, Harry uses the word "todger" to describe his frostbitten dick. “While the ears and cheeks were already healing, the todger wasn’t. It was becoming more of an issue by the day,” he said.

3. And one more penis thing: We learned that Harry is circumcised.

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Page Six reports that in the book, Harry says the general public was really invested in knowing whether or not he and William were circumcised. Harry thankfully (😵‍💫) confirmed, "I was snipped as a baby.”

4. Harry lost his virginity to an older woman behind a pub, and the woman treated him like a "young stallion."

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He described his ~first time~ as  (via The Telegraph): “a(n) humiliating episode with an older woman who liked macho horses and who treated me like a young stallion."

5. Harry did mushrooms at Courteney Cox's house.

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He was at Courteney Cox's house for some reason and spotted some mushroom chocolates. He took them and a trash can came to life. He said (via US Weekly), "I stepped on the pedal and the head opened its mouth."

6. William was really pissed that Harry had a beard for his own wedding. Facial hair is apparently a real point of contention between the two.

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Harry had to go to his grandmother to get permission to keep his beard for his own wedding. She agreed, but Will was very upset. "He wouldn’t let it go,” Harry said (via US Weekly). Apparently, he was jealous that Harry got to keep his beard because he wasn't allowed to when he arrived back from military duty: "He hated the idea of me enjoying a perk he’d been denied."

7. Harry called William's hair loss "alarming."

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Page Six says Will's baldness comes up throughout the book and Harry  describes it as "alarming." He also says William's hair loss is “more advanced than mine."

8. William and Kate are huge fan of Suits — like, they freaked out when they found out Harry was dating someone from the show.

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Harry said William and Kate were completely fanning out when they found out Harry was dating someone from Suits.  Harry wrote (via US Weekly): "She's an actress. 'Oh?' She's American. 'Oh.' On a show called Suits. Their mouths fell open. They turned to each other. Then Willy turned to me and said: 'Fuck off?'"

9. And last but not least, Prince Harry calls William "Willy" and Prince William calls Harry "Harold," even though his name is Henry.

Catherine Emmett @Emmett_Cath

I’m sorry but the weirdest part of this story is that they call each other ‘Willy and Harold’ 😳 https://t.co/Aa1vBfBYNR

12:55 PM - 05 Jan 2023

Twitter: @Emmett_Cath