*DING DONG. DING DONG.* CHURCH SERVICES ARE BEGINNING.
Prepare thy body.
Today's gospel:
On the 8th of September, two thousand and thirteen, our high priestess, Ms. Spears, tweeted a bikini shot from the set of her new music video for her future #1 smash, "Werk Bitch."
BOOM. THE RAPTURE BASICALLY HAPPENS.
This commences today's church services. Carry on and keep the Holy Spearit with you.