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Mariah Carey's New Album Title Will Make You Cry And Leave You Speechless


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I need you to take sip of water...

...glue on your goatee...

...and throw popcorn at Bianca.


Mariah Carey has finally announced the title for her 14th studio album and it's called...

"Me. I Am Mariah.... The Elusive Chanteuse."


For those into dictionaries and who have NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS, here are the definitions:


In a voice eerily similar to one used in a planetarium @ a children's museum, Mariah ALSO released an incredible and already iconic video explaining the album title choice.

View this video on YouTube

For those who are video-challenged, I'll break it down for you. The title is based on her only self-portrait she drew when she was 3 1/2 years old. This is actual real Mariah Carey original artwork:

Critics and art lovers alike are already praising it.

"It's deep." —an art critic

"It's very textured." —another art critic

"Priceless." —the last art critic

The video continues with Mariah's very own BACKGROUND VOCALS and ad-libbed laughs. I die.

The transcript:

"Please don't judge me for such a simplistic title. Come on, I was only 3½… It was a creative visualization of how I saw myself with the purity of a child's heart before it was ever broken… This album is a reflection of some of the peaks and valleys that have made me who I am today I've decided to share it with those of you who actually care and have been here for me through it all. Been through a lot but I've always known me. I am Mariah."

And there are more paintings! And by paintings, I mean these "photos."

And by "photos," I mean they are practically paintings.

In conclusion: