Operator, hello, the is an emergency, we have a theft to report.
Kevin Federline is in the process of trying to rob living legend and global icon, Britney Spears, of her hard earned money...and frankly SOMEONE FIND ME A CHURCH because I am about to go all GOD WARRIOR at the end of that Trading Spouses episode about it.
As a Godney Warrior, I will not tolerate this tomfoolery. I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.
So, here's the deal: Kevin Federline currently receives $20,000 a month from Britney Spears. Yes, you read that correctly: TWENTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.
But ladies and gentleman of the BUZZ-DOME world, that ISN'T ENOUGH.
Us Weeklyis reporting this man-boy is saying he needs THREE TIMES THAT AMOUNT. I crunched those numbers and that's nearly $60k a month... for doing absolutely nothing. SIXTY KAY.
Kevin claims he needs even more money because his DJ and "music" career aren't in as much of demand since 2008.
Yes, people of BUZZ, he is calling "Popozao" "music."
Kevin says his monthly expenses are $23,000 a month. He makes $3,000 in his tragic DJ career and the $20k Britney gives him means he's just barely scraping by.
Now, you're probably saying: "Matt, simmer. It's fair." Bull shit. I'll tell you what's insane about this: Britney already pays for all of the kids' expenses like school, insurance, clothing etc.
ALSO, MIND YOU, they were together for only three years over a decade ago.
MOVE ON is more than just an org, shithead!
Also, not kid-shaming but Kevin Federline has six kids and it isn't Britney's job to take care of his entire family. This isn't Noah's Ark, doll.
A source from Team Britney tells TMZ: "The law is that both parents are to contribute to their children's support. Where is his contribution?"
Another source claims Britney is concerned that if she doesn't comply with K-Flop's demands he'll keep her kids from her because she is still under a conservatorship. Disgusting!
And here's the real skinny...
I was going to be a good Christian and not post these pictures BUT NOW he must be exposed. He will get what he deserves.
Kevin turned 40 this year and here are some pictures of his birthday party:
Yes, your eyes ARE NOT deceiving you.
HIS CAKE IS COVERED WITH STACKS OF MONEY WITH HIS FACE ON IT.
And yes, he wore a "Cookies" hoodie to his birthday party, a true slander to one of the best desserts!
Someone needs to stop living in 2008 and get a fucking j-o-b and stop mooching off of Britney's thriving career.
Soooo, all of that said, Britney, continue to collect your tiny furniture...
...paint your hummingbirds and flowers and shit...
...and question Lady Gaga for being a climate change denier.
Save your pennies, sweetie, because you don't deserve an extra one from Miss Spears.