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Celebrity

Dear Kevin Federline, Just Fucking Stop

Oh yes, there will be God Warrior GIFs in this post.

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Operator, hello, the is an emergency, we have a theft to report.

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Kevin Federline is in the process of trying to rob living legend and global icon, Britney Spears, of her hard earned money...and frankly SOMEONE FIND ME A CHURCH because I am about to go all GOD WARRIOR at the end of that Trading Spouses episode about it.

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As a Godney Warrior, I will not tolerate this tomfoolery. I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.

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So, here's the deal: Kevin Federline currently receives $20,000 a month from Britney Spears. Yes, you read that correctly: TWENTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.

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But ladies and gentleman of the BUZZ-DOME world, that ISN'T ENOUGH.

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Us Weekly is reporting this man-boy is saying he needs THREE TIMES THAT AMOUNT. I crunched those numbers and that's nearly $60k a month... for doing absolutely nothing. SIXTY KAY.

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Kevin claims he needs even more money because his DJ and "music" career aren't in as much of demand since 2008.

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Yes, people of BUZZ, he is calling "Popozao" "music."

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Oy.

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Kevin says his monthly expenses are $23,000 a month. He makes $3,000 in his tragic DJ career and the $20k Britney gives him means he's just barely scraping by.

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Now, you're probably saying: "Matt, simmer. It's fair." Bull shit. I'll tell you what's insane about this: Britney already pays for all of the kids' expenses like school, insurance, clothing etc.

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I'm QUIVERING.

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ALSO, MIND YOU, they were together for only three years over a decade ago.

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MOVE ON is more than just an org, shithead!

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Also, not kid-shaming but Kevin Federline has six kids and it isn't Britney's job to take care of his entire family. This isn't Noah's Ark, doll.

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A source from Team Britney tells TMZ: "The law is that both parents are to contribute to their children's support. Where is his contribution?"

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Another source claims Britney is concerned that if she doesn't comply with K-Flop's demands he'll keep her kids from her because she is still under a conservatorship. Disgusting!

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And here's the real skinny...

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I was going to be a good Christian and not post these pictures BUT NOW he must be exposed. He will get what he deserves.

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Kevin turned 40 this year and here are some pictures of his birthday party:

Before you flip, it's not the girls I'm talking about. They're hot and cool.
Kcr / KCR/REX/Shutterstock

Before you flip, it's not the girls I'm talking about. They're hot and cool.

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Look closely.

Bryan Steffy / WireImage

Yes, your eyes ARE NOT deceiving you.

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HIS CAKE IS COVERED WITH STACKS OF MONEY WITH HIS FACE ON IT.

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And yes, he wore a "Cookies" hoodie to his birthday party, a true slander to one of the best desserts!

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I can't.

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Someone needs to stop living in 2008 and get a fucking j-o-b and stop mooching off of Britney's thriving career.

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Soooo, all of that said, Britney, continue to collect your tiny furniture...

...paint your hummingbirds and flowers and shit...

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...and question Lady Gaga for being a climate change denier.

Save your pennies, sweetie, because you don't deserve an extra one from Miss Spears.

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Fuck right off.

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