Skip To Content

    Dear Kevin Federline, Just Fucking Stop

    Oh yes, there will be God Warrior GIFs in this post.

    Operator, hello, the is an emergency, we have a theft to report.

    Bojan89 / Getty Images

    Kevin Federline is in the process of trying to rob living legend and global icon, Britney Spears, of her hard earned money...and frankly SOMEONE FIND ME A CHURCH because I am about to go all GOD WARRIOR at the end of that Trading Spouses episode about it.

    ABC

    As a Godney Warrior, I will not tolerate this tomfoolery. I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.

    ABC

    So, here's the deal: Kevin Federline currently receives $20,000 a month from Britney Spears. Yes, you read that correctly: TWENTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.

    ABC

    But ladies and gentleman of the BUZZ-DOME world, that ISN'T ENOUGH.

    ABC

    Us Weekly is reporting this man-boy is saying he needs THREE TIMES THAT AMOUNT. I crunched those numbers and that's nearly $60k a month... for doing absolutely nothing. SIXTY KAY.

    Kcr / KCR/REX/Shutterstock

    Kevin claims he needs even more money because his DJ and "music" career aren't in as much of demand since 2008.

    ABC

    Yes, people of BUZZ, he is calling "Popozao" "music."

    MTV

    Oy.

    ABC

    Kevin says his monthly expenses are $23,000 a month. He makes $3,000 in his tragic DJ career and the $20k Britney gives him means he's just barely scraping by.

    ABC

    Now, you're probably saying: "Matt, simmer. It's fair." Bull shit. I'll tell you what's insane about this: Britney already pays for all of the kids' expenses like school, insurance, clothing etc.

    ABC

    I'm QUIVERING.

    ABC

    ALSO, MIND YOU, they were together for only three years over a decade ago.

    Matthew Simmons / Getty Images

    MOVE ON is more than just an org, shithead!

    ABC

    Also, not kid-shaming but Kevin Federline has six kids and it isn't Britney's job to take care of his entire family. This isn't Noah's Ark, doll.

    CBS

    A source from Team Britney tells TMZ: "The law is that both parents are to contribute to their children's support. Where is his contribution?"

    ABC

    Another source claims Britney is concerned that if she doesn't comply with K-Flop's demands he'll keep her kids from her because she is still under a conservatorship. Disgusting!

    ABC

    And here's the real skinny...

    ABC

    I was going to be a good Christian and not post these pictures BUT NOW he must be exposed. He will get what he deserves.

    ABC

    Kevin turned 40 this year and here are some pictures of his birthday party:

    Kcr / KCR/REX/Shutterstock

    Before you flip, it's not the girls I'm talking about. They're hot and cool.

    Look closely.

    Bryan Steffy / WireImage

    Yes, your eyes ARE NOT deceiving you.

    Bryan Steffy / WireImage

    HIS CAKE IS COVERED WITH STACKS OF MONEY WITH HIS FACE ON IT.

    Bryan Steffy / WireImage

    And yes, he wore a "Cookies" hoodie to his birthday party, a true slander to one of the best desserts!

    Kcr / KCR/REX/Shutterstock

    I can't.

    ABC

    Someone needs to stop living in 2008 and get a fucking j-o-b and stop mooching off of Britney's thriving career.

    ABC

    Soooo, all of that said, Britney, continue to collect your tiny furniture...

    ...paint your hummingbirds and flowers and shit...

    ...and question Lady Gaga for being a climate change denier.

    Save your pennies, sweetie, because you don't deserve an extra one from Miss Spears.

    Evan Agostini / Getty Images

    Fuck right off.

    ABC

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form