If Tree Man Doesn't Give You Wood Then Sweetie, I'm Sorry, Nothing Will
Suddenly I love nature.
That tweet led to private messages.
And those private messages led to speculation and eventually an investigation.
...and questions were answered:
This is Tree Man. His real name is Danny Jones but we will continue to call him Tree Man because it's better.
He is, basically, a giant. A giant tree.
Like, he can't even fit on the bed!
His superpowers include being able to change kitchen lightbulbs without a stool...
...and posing with abs with a giant pizza.
Sometimes he even posts pics like this with emojis covering his dick area.
This is a picture of his butt. It is a shelf.
Tree Man likes to pose next to doors to show just how giant he actually is.
He also squats in teeny-tiny jorts.
Oh, his thighs? Yes, the rumors are true, they could crush my skull.
This is a picture of Tree Man on some stairs. He can't fit because he is as big as a tree.
Lastly, here is another picture of him with an emoji covering his dick area.
Thank you for existing, Tree Man. Suddenly I stan botany.
I am this comment. The end.
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