1. Hot douche (n): A man or woman that is attractive and a bit of a d-bag. See also: Adam Levine.
2. According to market research (Twitter), scientific formulas (think Pythagorean theorem), and the dictionary (see above), this is Adam Levine.
5. There is photographic evidence, quotes (SERIOUSLY READ THEM), and yes, more science, that back up this claim.
6. First off, the tattoos.
9. In an interview with Details magazine, this is what Adam Levine said about yoga. READ THIS.
“You know what yoga’s good for?” Adam Levine asks, pausing in mid-thought as he discusses his healthful lifestyle. He draws to his feet, balances in the private jet’s narrow aisle, points at his crotch, and thrusts his pelvis like a porn star. “I’ll tell you what yoga is good for: Fuuuu-k-ing,” he chimes, in a singsong falsetto, then laughs.
10. And he also said something about Michelle Kwan?
“I love attention. I can’t stand not having it. It just has to be the right kind. To do what you love, to be with the people you love? That’s all I want. That’s the ‘kwan.’”
12. I digress.
13. This is what Adam said about loving women:
“There’s two kinds of men,” Levine posits. “There are men who are f-cking misogynist pigs, and then there are men who just really love women, who think they’re the most amazing people in the world. And that’s me. Maybe the reason I was promiscuous, and wanted to sleep with a lot of them, is that I love them so much.”
14. On being naked:
“I spend most of my life naked. In fact, I often have to be told by the people around me that it’s inappropriate to be as naked as I am. But I live in California, where it’s always warm, so why not?”
21. This is what he said about planes:
“I hate flying,” Levine says. “Know why? Because no one really understands how planes actually work.”
22. *Holds a Snapple*
23. *Takes a poop*
26. He’s still hot. Like, he looks good in a tank top.
27. And I would totally be like this little man and pet his chest.
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