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    Cher Is 71 And Looks Like This

    I am a pos.

    Hey, did you watch the Billboard Music Awards? Probably not because what is that award show anyway?! Buuuut, in case you're curious, the only thing that mattered were performances by Celine Dion and Cher.

    Elaineodell / Getty Images

    (This picture has nothing to do with this post, I just wanted to post it.)

    ANYWAY...

    As a self-identifying crusty piece of trash, I had no idea I was going to feel even crustier while watching this award show gala. Cher, a woman who is 71, looked like 19 and sounded 32.

    Basically...

    I age like a grape that fell under your refrigerator that you find two weeks later and you're like, "Shit, I can't believe I dropped that." Basically, I'm a raisin. Cher is 71 and looks like this:

    Ethan Miller / Getty Images

    I age like this questionable deli meat:

    Highwaystarz-photography / Getty Images

    Cher ages like this:

    Ethan Miller / Getty Images

    I look like this plus a dead body and shit:

    Ands456 / Getty Images

    Cher looks like this:

    Ethan Miller / Getty Images

    I age like a tomato you forgot was in the back of your fridge and one day you open your fridge and are like, "IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS IN HERE?!"

    Sawitreelyaon / Getty Images

    Cher ages like this:

    Ethan Miller / Getty Images

    Basically, I am equal parts this trash can and this man.

    Catlane / Getty Images

    And this is Cher:

    Ethan Miller / Getty Images

    Fuck my life.

    Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

    Long live Cher, queen of being 71.

    Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

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