1. HI, HELLO, HEY THERE. GOOD DAY, EVA.
2. OK, you won.
3. Congrats! Really, I’m happy for you. You did it!
4. But I just have to say. I’ve read history and I know some things. While everything may seem really happy and great now, I’d just thought I’d give you a heads up.
5. LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU:
7. … Ryan’s dog probably does not. George isn’t into that shit.
8. That’s a problem.
9. I also found this interesting article… it’s very interesting.
10. That’s a problem.
11. And another thing I heard about you is that your favorite food is bread. Ryan’s favorite food is calamari.
12. That’s a problem.
13. So, while the battle may be won…
14. … the war isn’t over.
15. The thirst will never be quenched.
16. There will always be a map to ur man.
17. Oh also, here’s this picture and I don’t know what it means but it concerns me.
- Donald Trump said that his comments about Sweden were referring to a Fox News segment, not an actual incident in the country 🇸🇪🙃
- The CEO of Uber is investigating sexism and sexual harassment claims after a former employee said her reports were ignored.
- Geologists say they've discovered an eighth continent beneath New Zealand. "Zealandia" is 94% submerged underwater 🔎🌍
- The US ambassador to Somalia gave the country's new president a "Make Somalia Great Again" hat and the exchange was ~confusing~.