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78 People Worth Using A Port A Potty Over

*To the tune of Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This"* One can dream of a line-up like this.

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Every year at around this time of year, a bunch of music festivals, like Coachella, start to announce their lineups.


Fine. Whatever. But I'm all set. The lineups have never been good enough for me to even consider attending a music festival. And honestly, other people feel the same way.

In a port a potty at a music festival

That said, never say never. Here are 78 People That I’d Actually Tolerate A Music Festival For:

1. First and foremost, Celine Díon

2. Ashlee Simpson singing JUST her Autobiography album but also "Boyfriend" and "L.O.V.E."

3. Tiffany “New York” Pollard cackling on stage for 30 minutes

4. The God Warrior holding a silent disco

5. Hoku

6. Vitamin C singing only “Graduation (Friends Forever)” but then coming out for a surprise "Smile" encore

7. Donna Lewis of “I Love You Always Forever” fame

8. Savage Garden performing the hits

9. The Cardigans only performing “Love Fool"

10. Meredith Brooks singing “Bitch"

11. Paula Cole singing the Dawson's Creek theme song followed by an impromptu "Dawson's Creek" reunion and an encore of "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?"

12. OMC

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13. Sixpence None The Richer holding a “Kiss Me” sing-a-long with like 50,000 people

14. Speaking of Sixpence None The Richer, we would have a "songs you hear in your divorced aunt's mini van stage," this will include:

15. Michelle Branch

16. Vanessa Carlton

17. Ryan Cabrera

18. Natasha Bedingfield

19. That other singer thats like Natasha Bedingfield but isn't: Colbie Callait

20. And of course, Matchbox Twenty


21. Kim Zolciak

22. The Countess Luann

23. Obviously, Erika Jane

24. And I guess Melissa Gorga because “On Display” was kind of a bop

25. Tyra Banks singing “Shake Ya Body” while contestants from season two of ANTM walk up and down the runway

26. Jade from ANTM recreating her iconic Cover Girl commercial


27. Just this scene from Love Actually playing over and over and over again

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28. Dido singing just the hits

29. A reunion between NSYNC and Gloria Estefan

30. 5ive

31. Soul Decision

32. And back together for one night only, BBMak

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33. Rupaul giving advice

34. 100,000 people chanting the “Baby Bottle Pop” jingle

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35. Eden’s Crush

36. Dream

37. 3LW

38. Just the ginger lady from Sister Act

39. OK I guess Sister Alma too

40. And Whoopi

Touchstone Pictures

41. Gina G

42. Real McCoy

43. Stereo MC’s

44. Robin S

45. Black Box

46. Technotronic

47. C & C Music Factory

48. And a La Bouche cover band because RIP La Bouche


49. A recreation of the prom scene from “She’s All That” where a bunch of people randomly know the choreo to “Rockefellar Skank."

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50. The Zack Attack

51. JC Chasez singing “Blowin’ Me Up With Your Love”

52. Christina Aguilera just doing the spoken intro from Stripped, the album

53. An orchestra playing the soundtrack to Titanic

54. An orchestra doing their own interpretation of the Pure Moods soundtrack complete with random chanters

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55. B*Witched

56. Ja Rule & Ashanti

57. Then Ja Rule and Jennifer Lopez

58. The Coors

59. Las Ketchup

60. A hologram of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

61. Asher Roth ironically singing "I Love College"

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62. Mya talking about where she’s been for the past 20 years

63. Someone yelling “skinny!” at Lady Gaga

64. 2006 Nelly Furtado

65. 2007 Fergie

66. 1997 Natalie Imbruglia

67. S Club 7

68. The Babadook

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69. A full and proper reunion of Danity Kane

70. The guy who sings the “Family Matters” theme song

71. The God Warrior taking a break from her silent disco hosting duties and berating the crowd for 20 minutes

72. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie doing literally anything on stage

73. Angelina from Jersey Shore singing “I’m Hot”

74. Tan Mom

75. Samantha Mumba

76. Shwayze, I guess

77. Ruth Bader Ginsberg just standing there

78. And this woman talking about all the Chilis being closed

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