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    Posted on Jan 8, 2018

    78 People Worth Using A Port A Potty Over

    *To the tune of Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This"* One can dream of a line-up like this.

    Every year at around this time of year, a bunch of music festivals, like Coachella, start to announce their lineups.


    Fine. Whatever. But I'm all set. The lineups have never been good enough for me to even consider attending a music festival. And honestly, other people feel the same way.

    In a port a potty at a music festival

    That said, never say never. Here are 78 People That I’d Actually Tolerate A Music Festival For:

    1. First and foremost, Celine Díon

    2. Ashlee Simpson singing JUST her Autobiography album but also "Boyfriend" and "L.O.V.E."

    3. Tiffany “New York” Pollard cackling on stage for 30 minutes

    4. The God Warrior holding a silent disco

    5. Hoku

    6. Vitamin C singing only “Graduation (Friends Forever)” but then coming out for a surprise "Smile" encore

    7. Donna Lewis of “I Love You Always Forever” fame

    8. Savage Garden performing the hits

    9. The Cardigans only performing “Love Fool"

    10. Meredith Brooks singing “Bitch"

    11. Paula Cole singing the Dawson's Creek theme song followed by an impromptu "Dawson's Creek" reunion and an encore of "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?"

    12. OMC

    View this video on YouTube

    13. Sixpence None The Richer holding a “Kiss Me” sing-a-long with like 50,000 people

    14. Speaking of Sixpence None The Richer, we would have a "songs you hear in your divorced aunt's mini van stage," this will include:

    15. Michelle Branch

    16. Vanessa Carlton

    17. Ryan Cabrera

    18. Natasha Bedingfield

    19. That other singer thats like Natasha Bedingfield but isn't: Colbie Callait

    20. And of course, Matchbox Twenty


    21. Kim Zolciak

    22. The Countess Luann

    23. Obviously, Erika Jane

    24. And I guess Melissa Gorga because “On Display” was kind of a bop

    25. Tyra Banks singing “Shake Ya Body” while contestants from season two of ANTM walk up and down the runway

    26. Jade from ANTM recreating her iconic Cover Girl commercial


    27. Just this scene from Love Actually playing over and over and over again

    View this video on YouTube

    28. Dido singing just the hits

    29. A reunion between NSYNC and Gloria Estefan

    30. 5ive

    31. Soul Decision

    32. And back together for one night only, BBMak

    Getty Images

    33. Rupaul giving advice

    34. 100,000 people chanting the “Baby Bottle Pop” jingle

    View this video on YouTube

    35. Eden’s Crush

    36. Dream

    37. 3LW

    38. Just the ginger lady from Sister Act

    39. OK I guess Sister Alma too

    40. And Whoopi

    Touchstone Pictures

    41. Gina G

    42. Real McCoy

    43. Stereo MC’s

    44. Robin S

    45. Black Box

    46. Technotronic

    47. C & C Music Factory

    48. And a La Bouche cover band because RIP La Bouche


    49. A recreation of the prom scene from “She’s All That” where a bunch of people randomly know the choreo to “Rockefellar Skank."

    View this video on YouTube

    50. The Zack Attack

    51. JC Chasez singing “Blowin’ Me Up With Your Love”

    52. Christina Aguilera just doing the spoken intro from Stripped, the album

    53. An orchestra playing the soundtrack to Titanic

    54. An orchestra doing their own interpretation of the Pure Moods soundtrack complete with random chanters

    View this video on YouTube

    55. B*Witched

    56. Ja Rule & Ashanti

    57. Then Ja Rule and Jennifer Lopez

    58. The Coors

    59. Las Ketchup

    60. A hologram of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

    61. Asher Roth ironically singing "I Love College"

    Evan Agostini / Getty Images

    62. Mya talking about where she’s been for the past 20 years

    63. Someone yelling “skinny!” at Lady Gaga

    64. 2006 Nelly Furtado

    65. 2007 Fergie

    66. 1997 Natalie Imbruglia

    67. S Club 7

    68. The Babadook

    Causeway Films

    69. A full and proper reunion of Danity Kane

    70. The guy who sings the “Family Matters” theme song

    71. The God Warrior taking a break from her silent disco hosting duties and berating the crowd for 20 minutes

    72. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie doing literally anything on stage

    73. Angelina from Jersey Shore singing “I’m Hot”

    74. Tan Mom

    75. Samantha Mumba

    76. Shwayze, I guess

    77. Ruth Bader Ginsberg just standing there

    78. And this woman talking about all the Chilis being closed

    View this video on YouTube

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