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    Updated on Feb 22, 2019. Posted on Feb 21, 2019

    14 Juicy Details I Learned After Going On "Couples Court"

    Here's what happened when I went on "Couples Court With The Cutlers."

    Well, I got arrested.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    Just kidding, I went on a TV show called "Couples Court With The Cutlers," and I am here to tell you about my experience.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    These, my friends, are our supreme judges, iconic human beings, true love personified, lovable, laughable, livable, the Cutlers.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    The Cutlers are real-life lawyers who have been really married for 29 years. "Couples Court" is the first time these two had ever done TV. That's impressive because they are really good at it and being good at TV is not an easy thing.

    I was asked to go on the show to give expert testimony regarding a case involving social media, and I've compiled a list of things I learned from my messy, drama-filled day in court.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    1. First and foremost, like most great things and the only place where people are named "Tatum," "Couples Court With The Cutlers" films in Atlanta, Georgia.

    Matt Stopera

    The show is currently in its third season and already Emmy nominated. One of the things I loved about this show was that a lot of people who worked on it had previously worked on iconic early 2000s "stay home from school" talkshows like "Ricki Lake" and "Leeza." They took the best elements of those shows (lie detector/paternity tests etc.) and brought it to this one. That's why it's great.

    2. Being in the audience of a court show is like the witnessing the Super Bowl of drama. You're literally watching people fight and expose each other right in front of you. It's thrilling.

    Matt Stopera

    3. The best part about being in the audience of a court show is giving dramatic-ass facial expressions behind the plaintiffs.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    4. The best place to get on TV is right behind the plaintiff. This is where you will be on camera, reacting to everything. It's like your own personal award show celebrity audience camera.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    In this picture, I look like I'm going to kill someone.

    Here is a gif of me looking confused and worried:

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    And here is one where I clearly don't believe a word anyone is saying:

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    5. The set looks like a soap opera because it actually is one.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    It's like a live soap opera, which is even better. The audience reacting with applause, grunts of disapproval, and gasps make it all very exciting.

    6. The drama was real, the evidence was real, and these were actual real people with real lives.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    The thing that I found most surprising about the show was that was it was REAL. The lie detector tests, the screenshots of texts, Facebook messages, and actual people did not seem to give a flying hell about what they were saying.

    7. You can't say "fingering" or "strap-on" on national TV.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    In one of the cases, one of the defendants had to clarify what kind of contact she had with another woman. Her answer was she fingered and used a strap-on on another women. I was told later that this wouldn't make it to TV because you can't say "fingering" on "strap on" on TV.

    So, after sitting in the audience and rolling my eyes a lot in the background, it was finally time for me to walk down the runway and give my testimony.

    8. So, what makes you an expert? Answer: A blazer. Honestly put a blazer on and you're instantly 75% more professional looking.

    Matt Stopera

    I'm kidding, kind of. But I didn't bring a blazer and they recommended I wear one. Luckily they had a random-ass blazer in the prop department, so I wore that.

    9. You can't make this shit up. My case involved sniffing dicks for "feminine odors."

    Couples Court

    Here's a short summary of the case: The woman thought her boyfriend was cheating. She literally smelled his dick and it smelled like a vagina or something (feminine odors, I'm gay IDK). She also found some texts where he was sending pictures of his dick to other women. Meanwhile, the guy was denying it all and saying she was being paranoid. He also was a musician, so she was mad at his fans for sliding into his DMs.

    10. Having a police officer escort you into court is kind of legendary.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    When you're introduced to the court, the police officer escorts you down the "runway." This is the closest I'll ever get to being on "America's Next Top Model."

    11. You really, truly, feel powerful on that stand and there's something very special about referring to someone as "your honor."

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    I don't know, it's just cute to call someone an "honor." I actually referred to them as "your honors," even more special.

    12. Dicks = "candy bars."

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    So, like I said earlier, my case involved the dude sending pictures of, what he referred to, as his "candy bar" to other women. Up until that point in my 31 years of life, I had never heard of a dick referred to as a candy bar.

    13. Most people don't know how to use social media.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    I was brought in for this specific case because the plaintiff was a musician. I had to give the guy advise on appropriate social media use. My biggest piece of advise to him: "Keep your candy bar off of social media."

    14. There is nothing, NOTHING, more exciting than hearing the results of a lie detector test LIVE.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    My favorite segment on "Couples Court" is "IS HE CHEATING?!" Everyone in the crowd loses their damn minds when this happens. You could hear a PIN DROP as the results were read.

    So, it takes thirty minutes for each case. I can't really tell you exactly what happened in my case because the show hasn't aired yet, but let me tell you, you have to go to one of these shows before you die. It is an EXPERIENCE ripe with pure, unfiltered drama.

    Couples Court with the Cutlers

    And seriously, someone needs to start a live lie detector concert series.

    You can watch Couples Court with the Cutlers every weekday across the country on these stations and times. My episode "Lanier v Hepburn" airs Friday, February 22nd.

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