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    Coachella Is Over, We Need GAYchella

    I have never wanted something more in my entire life.

    This is it. Shut it down. Game over. A homosexual genius named Mikey Pop made the best Coachella slash music festival lineup that could possibly ever happen. It almost hurts to look at a lineup this iconic!!!

    Introducing GAYchella:

    Wow. OK. *Irish accent for no reason* That's mighty gay! Let's unpack this.

    Day 1:

    Not only do we have Beyoncé and her spawn, but we also have Kim Kardashian exclusively singing "Jam (Turn It Up)" PLUS "About Us" and reality TV star, Brooke Hogan! The "Who is Rita Ora?" stage could be truly eye-opening.

    Day 2 is even better:

    Yes, we have Godney Eugene as a headliner. Iconic. But also there's Jessica Simpson, MANDY FUCKING MOORE, and Lumidee! Please note Phoebe Buffay and Valerie Cherish, too. I'm choking.

    Day 3 is the grand finale:

    Yes, sweaties! You read that correctly: Rupaul IN DRAG, Miley AS Hannah Montana, the witches from Hocus Pocus, AND HOKU!

    In a time where the nation is divided, this is something we can get behind.

    Now, in conclusion, here are some recommendations for next year's Gaychella lineup:

    Paolo & Isabella from the Lizzie McGuire movie

    Reba McEntire as "Fancy"

    Trisha Paytas crying

    Nelly Furtado singing only music from her album "Loose"

    Ashley Tisdale

    A*Teens reunion

    Savage Garden

    2 hours of Mariah Carey saying she doesn't know people

    The Unsinkable Molly Brown


    Music from the TV soundtrack, "Pure Moods"


    The return of Paula Cole


    Aly & AJ

    The Next bus

    A silent disco except it's just a room with the blacklight from Room Raiders


    Kimberly Locke


    Hot Sundae (Kelly, Lisa, and Jessy from "Saved By The Bell")

    Skye Sweetnam

    Cheyenne (from that MTV show)

    Frankee (of F.U.R.B. fame)


    Ricki Lake

    Stacie Orrico

    The cast of Temptation Island


    Blink 182 nude


    A special appearance from Ikaika from "Making The Band"