Coachella Is Over, We Need GAYchella
I have never wanted something more in my entire life.
This is it. Shut it down. Game over. A homosexual genius named Mikey Pop made the best Coachella slash music festival lineup that could possibly ever happen. It almost hurts to look at a lineup this iconic!!!
Wow. OK. *Irish accent for no reason* That's mighty gay! Let's unpack this.
Not only do we have Beyoncé and her spawn, but we also have Kim Kardashian exclusively singing "Jam (Turn It Up)" PLUS "About Us" and reality TV star, Brooke Hogan! The "Who is Rita Ora?" stage could be truly eye-opening.
Day 2 is even better:
Yes, we have Godney Eugene as a headliner. Iconic. But also there's Jessica Simpson, MANDY FUCKING MOORE, and Lumidee! Please note Phoebe Buffay and Valerie Cherish, too. I'm choking.
Day 3 is the grand finale:
Yes, sweaties! You read that correctly: Rupaul IN DRAG, Miley AS Hannah Montana, the witches from Hocus Pocus, AND HOKU!
In a time where the nation is divided, this is something we can get behind.
Now, in conclusion, here are some recommendations for next year's Gaychella lineup:
Paolo & Isabella from the Lizzie McGuire movie
Reba McEntire as "Fancy"
Trisha Paytas crying
Nelly Furtado singing only music from her album "Loose"
2 hours of Mariah Carey saying she doesn't know people
The Unsinkable Molly Brown
Music from the TV soundtrack, "Pure Moods"
The return of Paula Cole
Aly & AJ
The Next bus
A silent disco except it's just a room with the blacklight from Room Raiders
Hot Sundae (Kelly, Lisa, and Jessy from "Saved By The Bell")
Cheyenne (from that MTV show)
Frankee (of F.U.R.B. fame)
The cast of Temptation Island
Blink 182 nude
A special appearance from Ikaika from "Making The Band"