27 Facts About Upstate New York That Are Completely And Totally True

    They're just facts.

    1. It's a known fact that people from upstate New York will make that known to you after about two seconds of talking to them.

    2. That's because New York State is HUGE.

    3. The #1 past-time of people from upstate New York is arguing about what *actually* constitutes upstate New York. The map below is the OFFICIAL map. It's accurate and OFFICIAL. And also accurate. And official.

    4. Anyone who calls Westchester "upstate" is a person that cannot be trusted.

    5. Everyone in upstate New York hates the town that's right next to their town for no reason at all. I mean, can you believe those assholes in Rotterdam?

    6. There are many towns upstate that people don't know how to spell. Some have funny names, like Coxsackie here:

    7. Everyone in upstate New York has a North Face jacket. If you do not have one of these, you will die. Plain and simple.

    8. In the winter, it's almost a guaranteed that the school "Ichabod Crane" will be closed. It always is. ALWAYS.

    9. Speaking of winter, in case you didn't know, it snows a lot in upstate New York.

    10. Fall foliage is a thing but it literally only lasts for like a week before all the leaves fall off and die. Then it's winter for 8 months.

    11. If you don't go apple picking in the fall then you will go to jail.

    12. And if you don't eat one of these after apple picking then you're just plain doing it wrong.

    13. The summer is for outdoor concerts. Like the Catholic Church, SPAC is an institution. Everyone must worship there.

    14. Regardless of your taste of music, people from upstate have been to at least one DMB concert in their lifetime. It just happens.

    15. In the summer you will got to your friend's camp on some random lake.

    16. If you're super lucky then they'll have a boat. You will use this one friend for their boat.

    17. If you're near Albany then you will go to "the track" where you will get insanely drunk and lose money.

    18. These cookies are the most addictive substance on Earth. You WILL eat the entire box if you buy them.

    19. This is Keystone Light. Everyone got drunk off this in high school.

    20. This is lacrosse. It's a sport they only play in upstate New York and literally no one else gives a shit about it outside of New York.

    21. There are many universities in upstate New York and you will be judged mercilessly based on which one you go to. For example, there is a HUGE difference between a person who goes to Buffalo than say... New Paltz.

    22. This is the most important store in your life. It's called Stewart's and it's where you buy milk, lighters, chips, cookies, frozen pizza, ice, donuts, yogurt, chilli, sandwiches, human arms, eggs, energy drinks, gum, gas, coffee, iced tea, various candy...

    23. ... and most importantly, ice cream.

    24. If you live in western New York then you grew up on these foods.

    25. If you're in Rochester, then you will have a garbage plate.

    26. If you're lucky, you live by a Wegmans. It's the promised land.

    27. Lastly, this is Billy Fucillo. He's huge.