In case you happen to be deeply wedged under a rock on the southern shores of Guam, hate America, or god forbid, don't have Wi-Fi, then you should know that we're in the midst of a Spearitual Renaissance.
Michelangelo could never. Raphael literally cannot. Leonardo da Vinci is (probably) gagging in his grave.
WHY? Because Britney Spears is straight-up SLAUGHTERING her Vegas show and life (in general) lately.
Are you still alive after watching her tell men to "suck her fucking toe"?
Can you handle the destruction of the "Break the Ice" choreo?
Britney is back to ruin all your faves' lives.
Look at this happy iconic queen!
*Flips you off in a cool, endearing way*
It's an orgy, people!
BUUUUUT, bad news: Just as B-girl is slé'ing all of our lives, her Vegas residency is about to end. As of right now, Dec. 31 is her LAST date in Vegas.
And you know what that is? It's problematic. Highly problematic.
The Vegas show has been the best thing (besides breaking up with that random dude) that has happened to her in like seven years!
Piece of me
To put it simply: Vegas needs Britney and Britney needs Vegas. They're mutually beneficial!
Also, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?
And, HOW WILL WE CONTINUE TO GROW AS A NATION?
WE NEED MORE GIFS LIKE THIS, PEOPLE!
Sooooo, how about this: Britney extends the residency a leg or two.
She switches up the numbers — adds "Overprotected," "Breathe on Me," "Touch of My Hand," or "Not a Girl" (lol). Then she does the Super Bowl. Then B9.
She continues to wreck our holes and lives.
That way we can continue to watch her make the "Me Against the Music" breakdown her bitch.
That way we get more "Toxic" floor poundage.
Mom
And that way we get more of this sick-ass "Pretty Girls" breakdown.
It just feels so damn good to see Britney work the stage so hard.
Oops 🌚
So, what can you do?
You can let the literal president of the United States know that Britney Spears needs to stay in Las Vegas by signing this petition.
If we get 100,000 signatures the White House has to acknowledge Britney's slayage, which would be...iconic.
Do the right thing.
Sign the petition...
...and buy "Perfume" on iTunes.
