1. Ah, behold, a relic of the distant past.
2. Back when things were simpler. Back when things were better.
3. Back when Kate Gosselin had a reverse mullet spiky bob.
4. That bob mullet thing was something special.
5. It defined 2009 style…
6. … which I have no idea what that means, “2009 style,” but whatever, it did. That shit was iconic.
7. The way it carried mail…
8. … the way it rode the bus…
9. … the way it pumped gas. THIS WAS NOT A WIG, PEOPLE.
10. It was truly its own independent being.
11. All on eyes on that chunky-dyed wonder.
12. Remember when it would talk?
13. “Ha ha ha people are actually copying me,” it said.
14. “Ha ha ha I am literally a reverse spiky mullet bob!!!”
15. “Hi! Your faves could never!” It got cocky.
16. Then, just like that, shit hit the fan and she got divorced and and she stopped wearing shoes.
17. Still, even during that dark time, the spiky part of the mullet bob never flattened. That shit was ALWAYS gelled.
18. Paparazzi. Don’t care. All eyes on me.
19. But alas, as the great Vidal Sassoon once said, “All good things must come to an end.”*
*He didn’t say this.
20. It died.
21. Bye, spiky reverse mullet bob.
22. Thank you.
23. Gone… but never forgotten.
24. May you live on in my dreams…
… but most likely in my nightmares.
25. See you in heaven…
… but mostly likely in hell.