1. "Yo Snoop, what up dawg ... you know you have so much in common with Donald Trump? Trump's ancestors were into real estate ... and your ancestors were considered property."
2. "Larry King is rockin' the Armani diaper ... Seth MacFarlane is sporting Victoria's Secret ... panties. And Snoop is wearing a Louis Vuitton condom ... nah, I'm just kidding, he don't wear condoms, you know that!"
3. "I'm not from New Jersey ... I was born in Staten Island which is a New York borough ... not to be confused with the burro Marlee Matlin blows onstage in Tijuana ... "
4. "Trump is a good looking dude ... if your eyes are like Marlee Matlin's ears."
5. "I like Larry King ... he's a playa ... he actually wrote a book named 'Mr. King Is Having a Heart Attack' ... he got that title from a hooker he was fucking."