In case you didn't know, there's this really weird amazing TV show called Naked and Afraid where a man and a woman are dropped off completely naked in the middle of some sort of wilderness and have to survive for 21 days. It's fucking crazy but so so good because butts and naked drama.
Here's was happens on every episode...
1.The two people size each other up, clearly trying not to stare at each other's bits ’n’ pieces like, "Wow, I've never met anyone like *this* before."
2.There's a hilariously awkward hug where they try not to bump uglies.
3.They decide to find shelter and start complaining about being dehydrated.
4.In desperation, someone drinks some sketchy-ass water they definitely shouldn't be drinking.
5.Someone tries to make a fire with a spindle. It never works.
6.The tinder is always damp. Everything is always damp.
7.They finally get fire, celebrate, and then complain about being hungry.
8.Someone gets mad at the other person for not keeping up the fire.
9.They step on thorns. There are always thorns.
10.Ants. There are always ants.
11.The guy does something douchey and "macho." It ends up backfiring and the woman ends up saving the day.
12.They talk about needing protein.
13.Someone gets mad at their partner for not carrying their weight.
14.There is always, without fault, some sort of snake moment. The snake is almost always "one of the most dangerous in the world that will kill you within 48 hours if you don't seek medical attention."
15.Someone lies on the ground and is all like, "I'm so hungry. I need protein. I'm so mad at my partner blah blah blah."
16.They get nasty-ass bug bites and you're forced to stare at them like, "Jesus, those must itch."
17.Someone sets a "deadfall" trap with a rock; they check the trap in the morning and find it didn't work but the bait is gone.
18.Some scary-ass creature wakes them up and scares the hell out of them in the middle of the night.
19.The shelter gets wet, they're cold, they should cuddle, but the dude is paranoid about his wife being upset.
20.Someone ends up totally insanely dirty — like we get that you're outside but why don't you jump in a stream?
21.Like really, you're giving me anxiety. Jump. In. A. Stream.
22.There is a closeup shot of a person who is clearly dead inside.
23.In desperation, someone does something questionable that puts their genitals in danger like "DO YOU REALIZE YOU'RE NAKED RUBBING UP ON A ROUGH ASS PALM TREE."
24.Blah blah blah. More complaining.
25.The extraction journey is always "treacherous" and involves some sort of crossing of a body of water, snakes and/or alligators, or a steep climb.
26.They (always) make it out alive and hug each other trying not to bump uglies.
