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27 Things That Always Happen On "Naked And Afraid"

WE GET IT, YOU NEED PROTEIN.

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In case you didn't know, there's this really weird amazing TV show called Naked and Afraid where a man and a woman are dropped off completely naked in the middle of some sort of wilderness and have to survive for 21 days. It's fucking crazy but so so good because butts and naked drama.

Here's was happens on every episode...

1. The two people size each other up, clearly trying not to stare at each other's bits ā€™nā€™ pieces like, "Wow, I've never met anyone like *this* before."

Yeah, no shit. You're in the middle of the jungle naked.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

Yeah, no shit. You're in the middle of the jungle naked.

2. There's a hilariously awkward hug where they try not to bump uglies.

lololol.

3. They decide to find shelter and start complaining about being dehydrated.

It's only day one and you're like, "They're def gonna fight."
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

It's only day one and you're like, "They're def gonna fight."

4. In desperation, someone drinks some sketchy-ass water they definitely shouldn't be drinking.

Parasite central, like no.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

Parasite central, like no.

5. Someone tries to make a fire with a spindle. It never works.

Everyone knows the magnesium works best.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

Everyone knows the magnesium works best.

6. The tinder is always damp. Everything is always damp.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

7. They finally get fire, celebrate, and then complain about being hungry.

Congrats, you got the fire, but you still need to eat like smh.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

Congrats, you got the fire, but you still need to eat like smh.

8. Someone gets mad at the other person for not keeping up the fire.

"BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO GET TINDER."
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

"BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO GET TINDER."

9. They step on thorns. There are always thorns.

10. Ants. There are always ants.

11. The guy does something douchey and "macho." It ends up backfiring and the woman ends up saving the day.

12. They talk about needing protein.

ALWAYS PROTEIN.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

ALWAYS PROTEIN.

13. Someone gets mad at their partner for not carrying their weight.

It's usually over something really petty like wanting to explore or accidentally dropping a pan of water.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

It's usually over something really petty like wanting to explore or accidentally dropping a pan of water.

14. There is always, without fault, some sort of snake moment. The snake is almost always "one of the most dangerous in the world that will kill you within 48 hours if you don't seek medical attention."

GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!

15. Someone lies on the ground and is all like, "I'm so hungry. I need protein. I'm so mad at my partner blah blah blah."

Basically half the show is complaining about ants, hunger, and thorns.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

Basically half the show is complaining about ants, hunger, and thorns.

16. They get nasty-ass bug bites and you're forced to stare at them like, "Jesus, those must itch."

Yiiiiikes.

17. Someone sets a "deadfall" trap with a rock; they check the trap in the morning and find it didn't work but the bait is gone.

THAT SHIT NEVER WORKS. THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE BAIT.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

THAT SHIT NEVER WORKS. THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE BAIT.

18. Some scary-ass creature wakes them up and scares the hell out of them in the middle of the night.

WHY ARE YOU LEAVING YOUR SHELTER?
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

WHY ARE YOU LEAVING YOUR SHELTER?

19. The shelter gets wet, they're cold, they should cuddle, but the dude is paranoid about his wife being upset.

GET OVER IT, BRO.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

GET OVER IT, BRO.

20. Someone ends up totally insanely dirty ā€” like we get that you're outside but why don't you jump in a stream?

21. Like really, you're giving me anxiety. Jump. In. A. Stream.

22. There is a closeup shot of a person who is clearly dead inside.

FML but like forreal.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

FML but like forreal.

23. In desperation, someone does something questionable that puts their genitals in danger like "DO YOU REALIZE YOU'RE NAKED RUBBING UP ON A ROUGH ASS PALM TREE."

24. Blah blah blah. More complaining.

Extraction day is coming.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

Extraction day is coming.

25. The extraction journey is always "treacherous" and involves some sort of crossing of a body of water, snakes and/or alligators, or a steep climb.

26. They (always) make it out alive and hug each other trying not to bump uglies.

27. AND LASTLY, they lose maaaaad weight.

And might even get a parasite!THE END.
Twitter: @NakedAndAfraid

And might even get a parasite!

THE END.

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