1.Dear ignorant-ass children, take a seat. I have a story to tell you. It’s about the original queen of rap. No, not Queen Latifah or Salt-N-Pepa. Not Lil' Kim or Nicki Minaj. Don't even start with that Igloo Australia bullshit.
2.I am, of course, talking about Missy Elliott.
3.Her story begins in the early '90s. Madonna wasn't batshit insane yet and stores like "Blockbuster" that rented "videotapes" still existed. People even used to buy overpriced shit from a magazine on planes called Skymall. It was a cool time.
4.Missy was a brilliant writer and producer with the coolest best friends. One of her coolest friends was the iconic angel above us, Aaliyah.
5.Missy became a household name with her iconic art video "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)." Salvador Dalí could never.
6.And even though she couldn't really figure out how a picture frame worked...
7....and got stuck hanging from a chandelier this one time...
8....she was still able to take rap to a new level.
9.She was literally called "hip-hop's first lady of innovation."
10.Even Steve Martin was a fan!
11.Missy was known for her innovative style. She is best known for her bicycle helmets and garbage bags....
13....and feather suits.
14.She also rode toy trucks.
15.At one point, she became known for her collaborations in iconic performances. If there was an iconic performance, Missy was there.
16.She also popularized a failing club called the "Moulin Rouge."
17.There was also that time she did Gap ads with Madonna. That was weird.
18.Anyway, Missy had hit after hit.
19.Iconic video after iconic video.
20.And the best lyrics ever. Everyone in middle school knew them all.
21.She even saved an orphan, gave her a job, and made her a dancer.
22.Ultimately, through it all, she remained iconically wise.