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73 Thoughts You Have When You’re About To Go Sleep

Way too many.

1.I'm going to get a solid eight to ten hours of sleep tonight.

2.Going be so productive at work tomorrow.

3.I think I'm even gonna make breakfast.

4.Shit, maybe I'll go for a run in the morning.

5.I should work out in the morning more often.

6.I need to take care of my body better.

7.Maybe I'll make the switch to vodka.

8.Wait, did I lock the door?

9.Yeah, I'm pretty sure I locked it.

10. Ugh, should I check?

11. Alright, fuck it I'll check, I kinda need to pee anyway.

12. Okay, doors locked, I knew that.

13. Jesus, my pee is yellow, I should drink more water.

14. Shit, I'm not that tired anymore.

15. Maybe I'll read a little bit to help me fall asleep.

16. Let me check Instagram real quick tho.

17. Fuck, THEY got engaged?! No way that one works out.

18. Jesus, how often do they go on vacation?

19.I wonder how much money they make?

20. That's a really cute dog, gonna shoot them a follow.

21. I should get a dog.

22. That would force me to be more responsible.

23. And I could make it Insta-famous.

24. Shit, did I water the plant?

25. God dammit, it looks dead.

26. Okay, scrap the dog idea since I can't take care of a freakin' plant.

27. Man, I need a vacation.

28. And maybe a massage.

29. And a raise.

30. And a savings account.

31. And I need to figure out what 401k is all about.

32.I wonder if I'm ever going to really accomplish anything in my life.

33.Maybe I should write a memoir.

34.I'll make a note on my iPhone to think of titles.

35.Wait, would anyone even read it?

36.Ugh, now I'm too stressed to sleep.

37.I wonder if dogs actually like me, or they just like everyone?

38.I should probably eat more salads.

39.Jesus, that's a depressing thing to think about.

40.Ugh, now I'm too stressed to sleep.

41.I'll watch something on Netflix to cheer me up.

42.Netflix is the best.

43.I love you Netflix, and I want to make it Facebook official.

44.Nice, I've got like 19 SnapChat stories to watch.

45.Solid pooping selfie.

46.Cute dog.

47.Stop singing.

48.I should learn how to dance.

49.I wonder how different my life would be if I was a better dancer.

50. Or I studied harder in school.

51.Or if I was more athletic.

52. Or if I was a child actor.

53.Fuck, I need to go to sleep.

54.But let me check Twitter real quick.

55. Maybe I can rack up a couple favs before bed.

56. Why do I need the approval of strangers?

57. I really should wash the sheets more often.

58.What the fuck was that noise?

59.I wonder what I would do if someone broke in and tried to kill me?

60.That would suck.

61. I should buy a bat or something.

62. Or a dog!?

63.Holy shit, when did it become 2:15am?

64.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

65.All right, close your eyes. Think of nothing.

66.Why am I sweating?

67.Why am I freezing?

68.I need more pillows.

69.OMG why can't I fall asleep.

70. I'm never staying up late again.

71.I guess I'll just work out after work tomorrow.

72.And then I'm gonna eat a salad, and go right to sleep.

73.And maybe get a dog.