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    21 Reasons You Should Always Have Low Expectations

    The lower the better.

    1. Because not all watermelons are created equal:

    2. Because not every birthday party comes with cake:

    3. Because seasons are never as magical as we anticipate:

    4. Because sometimes fortune cookies are bullshit:

    5. Because not everyone cares about your birthday:

    6. Because variety packs are lies:

    7. Because there is more than one Magic Mike:

    8. Because college isn't always the time of your life:

    9. Because this person exists:

    10. Because sometimes you don't want to go to the end of the rainbow:

    11. Because Taco Bell will occasionally crush your dreams:

    12. Because vending machines are dickheads:

    13. Because late-night TV isn't always what you're expecting:

    14. Because not all cheese lives up to its expectations:

    15. Because sharks aren't always that tough:

    16. Because detours don't always get you where you want to go:

    17. Because French toast doesn't always satisfy your appetite:

    18. Because Michael Jordan is a pretty common name:

    19. Because not all surprises are good:

    20. Because ice cream melts:

    21. And because Santa doesn't really exist:

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