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7 Reasons Peyton Manning Is A Football-Slinging Robot God

Never doubt the ageless wonder.

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Last night, the Denver Broncos thrashed the reigning Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens 49-27 in the opening game of the NFL season. It was an incredible performance by the Broncos offense, which appeared unstoppable against a Raven defense that lost Ray Lewis and Ed Reed this off-season to retirement and free agency.

But the real story last night was about a 6-foot-5, not-so-old man with a laser rocket arm by the name of Peyton Manning who tied an NFL record with SEVEN touchdown passes. Manning was 27-42 passing for 462 yards and SEVEN TOUCHDOWNS. I'm going to repeat that one more time — SEVEN TOUCHDOWNS! Not too shabby for a guy who's supposedly nearing the twilight of his career. This can only mean one thing, either Manning is a once-in-a-generation quarterback and we're all lucky to watch his career OR he's a robot created by some sports-loving god. I'm sticking with the latter. My evidence: